Learning Self-Love And Inspiring Words To Live By For 2016

With 2015 coming to a close, this is the time of year where we all take some quiet moments to reflect on what we've achieved, learned, and overcome. Some of the experiences were joyful and exhilarating, while others were painful and unsettling.

I love feeling a sense of connection to these feelings through words. Quite obviously then, my favorite way to seek inspiration and represent said thoughts is through quotes. I've saved myself hundreds of dollars of therapy by finding the perfectly-stated sentiment or enlightening article. (Thank you, Internet!)

"Be softer with you. You are a breathing thing. A memory to someone. A home to a life." – Nayyirah Waheed

"You can't eat beauty, it doesn't sustain you. What is fundamentally beautiful is compassion, for yourself and those around you. That kind of beauty enflames the heart and enchants the soul." – Lupita Nyong'o

"Being your true self is the most effective formula for success there is." – Danielle Laporte

"I used to think I was the strangest person in the world, but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me, too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it's true I'm here, and I'm just as strange as you." – Frida Kahlo



"Love ourselves completely for who we are and not who we think we were or should be." – Satsuki Shibuya

And there it is. After taking inventory of my personal struggles and doubts, my word for 2016 is...

Self-love.

I decided to choose a word to live by and work toward for the new year starting in 2014. That first year's word was intention and 2015 was focus. It was a life-giving decision. Delving in and grasping those words helped me more fully understand myself. Introspection and self-awareness is never an easy task, but it is crucial for growth and leading a content life.

I am now at a place in my life where I need to practice self-love. Somewhere along the way I turned into a people-pleaser, and while it is a wonderful thing to be respectful and considerate of people's feelings, I have neglected my own. And honestly, I have spent the last few months in a place of self-doubt and anger. I allowed my soul and personality to be robbed of its unique traits because I wanted be well-liked by everyone I encountered. Unfortunately, that is impossible. People do not share unifying beliefs or standards, no matter how ideal it sounds. Being unacknowledged or disliked is the crossfire of that truth. But it doesn't mean we are any less—that I am any less. In fact, it means I am true to my personality, including its quirks and weirdness.

Throughout my life I've battled with depression and anxiety, and my perception of that was immensely shifted once I heard that depression is anger turned inward. After picking up the pieces of my brain from my mind being blown, I allowed that statement to grant me absolution and set me free.

Self-love is embracing my distinct characteristics. I want to look at other people's beauty and not doubt my own. I want to give myself permission to experience negative feelings without letting them control my life. I want to say no without feeling guilty or fearful, and I want to say yes without feeling guilty or fearful. I want to listen to my mind and body when it says, "I need a break!" and honor that impression. I want to listen to more music that sets my chest on fire. I want to recognize and celebrate the talents of others and cease from letting my mind fill with envy. I want to practice honest forgiveness. I want to take better care of my body and fill my days with more activity and time spent in nature. I want to fulfill my need to create art and do it with an unrestrained courage. I want 2016 to be the year where I stop criticizing myself, which will help me halt my oftentimes harsh criticism of others, in turn giving power to a pure outward love.

Happy New Year, and may it be full of inspiration and success!

Image sources 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

Dealing With Anxiety As A Mom

Anxiety wears many hats in my world. Some days it decides to show up when I am hanging out with a group of friends, consuming my mind with feelings of doubt and insecurity. Then other times it takes hold of my body and plants a nasty, knotted tangle of black weeds in my stomach, which rise through my chest, practically suffocating me and resulting in a panic attack. And then there is the sporadic day where everything seems doomed and I am stricken with worry but I can't quite pinpoint the reason for it.

All of these situations are irrational, but very real to me. Unfortunately, they get the best of me every now and then.

The real stink of it all is when an episode strikes and it feels as if there is a looming sky of concrete waiting to crush me. All of those panicky, stone demons are simply waiting to pounce and knock me to the ground. I run as fast as I can, my heart pounding in my ears, but it seems to catch me. It will crack into my blind side, just as I thought I had finally outrun it.

So, how does this relate to me as a mother?

Well, it's frightening and debilitating. I can hardly stand being inside my own head, let alone having the pleading and needy voices of two small children making it a discordant trio. I have to fight back tears, and put on the show of bravery for them, although that armor sometimes cracks, too.

Just the other day, I was lying in bed crying. The anxiety was hot in my chest and the only way to release some of its venom was through those tears. I heard Luke's footsteps echo through the hallway to our bedroom door. "Mommy, you sad?" he said. I replied, "Yes, sweetie. Sometimes mommies get sad." He climbed up next to me with an uneasy and curious look on his face. "Don't cry—that's for babies!" And with that he slid down and jetted out of the room.

Admittedly, I couldn't help but get a good chuckle out of his simple consolation. It felt like a droplet of a precious antidote to calm my racing and worried mind.

My other concern with anxiety is of the social variety. I have had a moderate case of social anxiety my entire life. Some seasons it is almost non-existent where I can carry on my normal daily routines; other periods it is absolutely crippling and can interfere with the health of my social life and mental and physical state.

The root of social anxiety is an intense fear of judgment or criticism from others. I constantly battle with myself in thinking, Abbey, why does it matter what other people think? Be yourself. If people don't like you for who you are then you don't need them in your life. You can't please everybody. Get over it and do your thing. 

But my fears of criticism from others can reach into an extreme and irrational plane. I get major butterflies when I have to talk on the phone. Meeting new people scares the hell out of me. (I am positive they are just going to think I am the weirdest and most awkward person, EVER.) Don't even ask me to speak in public—I cannot think about anything else or eat for weeks. Most social events sound like torture unless I can bring a trusted friend with whom I feel safe. There are even times when I get nervous and fidgety out of the blue while simply hanging out with good friends. Sometimes I get really weird about eating around people and feel like I can't swallow my food, or I get panicky while I am driving. The main symptom that made me finally come to the realization that I suffer from social anxiety is the urge to urinate when I am in situations that make me uncomfortable. I get hot and flustered and then it is this horrifying tingling sensation that I am on the verge of peeing my pants, which then makes me even more anxious and agitated.

Because of these things, I tend to overly avoid social situations. Before I had kids, I hardly ever went to anything without Matt and he usually had to drag me like a stubborn dog on a leash. But, having kids changed things. I have to get out of my comfort zone for the well-being of Luke and Wes. I want them to be socially comfortable and confident in who they are. So far, it seems like they are on the right path with warm and engaging personalities.

Obviously, forcing myself into social situations has made it easier to interact with people. But again, WHY DO I CARE SO MUCH? WHAT IS IT THAT MAKES ME FEEL SO SCARED? It boggles my mind. I've been to therapy on and off. I have tried my hand at anti-depressants, but all of that medication makes me feel like a soulless robot. I would rather live in the deepest despair and feel something, than live in a chemical-induced haze with no real emotion.

I also have this theory that people who are extremely active on social media have some degree of anxiety or shyness. It's the perfect world for us introverted, social phobics. There is still connection, but no unnerving small talk or having to worry about how we physically present ourselves. I can have meaningful conversations in the comfort of my own idiosyncrasies. And if I am obsessing over something I said, I can go delete or edit it! (Why, oh why can't life have an edit button?!) Obviously, this isn't entirely true because I have—ironically—met  plenty of friendly and extroverted social media enthusiasts. But I still like to think it is ;)

I guess what I am getting at here is that I kind of have some serious issues, but I am learning to overcome them. It is imperative that I do it for my boys and myself. I try to focus on the happy and the positive because I want my life to reflect those attributes. I go to therapy, I try to exercise and get adequate sleep, and generally try to avoid excessive amounts of caffeine. I also have the most supportive and encouraging husband on the planet. The combination of those lifestyle habits and a good support system generally keeps my anxiety under control, and if I am having issues, it is usually triggered by one of those things being out of sync.

While I struggle with anxiety and depression, they don't need to define who I am as a person. That is important for me to remember. I AM NOT MY ANXIETY. Those little voices in my head telling me that other people think I am weird/annoying/awkward/unlikable are generally an assumption made up in my head. And even if certain people do have that view of me, it doesn't matter! I feel like it's a good time to cue Stuart Smalley's Daily Affirmations ... "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!" (Laughter is the best medicine!)

But in all seriousness, here is my ending declaration: Let's recognize our self worth and believe in our talents and capabilities. Let's have more courage and gratitude. Let's all try to be more kind and gentle with ourselves. Let's love ourselves for who we are.

image source

My Breaking Point As A Mom

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" comes a high-pitched squeal from the bedroom. Then another shrieking voice joins in and it sounds like we are a family of wild birds.

I can only imagine what all the ruckus sounds like to neighbors taking an evening walk on the street down below. It's 6 pm and the windows are open to let the heat from the day escape through the slats of the screens, and it feels as if every shout and bop and wail is being broadcast to the world.

Soon the squeals turn into a tantrum or meltdown because someone has ripped the red barn out of the other one's hands.

And it's at that 327th scream of the day that I reach my breaking point.

Toddlers are fantastic little specimens. They are silly, they provide high value entertainment, they are smart, they are inquisitive, they love bigger than their bodies, and they are funny. But they are also incredibly exhausting. Fourteen hour days with a 3-year-old and 1-year-old are freaking brutal mentally and physically.

Our house is scattered with stuffed animals and wooden train tracks, and those tiny socks always seem to be missing their mate on the other side of the room. Many nights I just stare at the mess and feel completely overwhelmed from the events of wrangling the people who created the explosion of toys, and I want to dramatically collapse against the wall and cry.


I try really hard to be happy and positive. I think thoughts are powerful tools which should be wielded in goodness. But I have my off days, and sometimes I just need to vent. Some days I just need to bang my head on the wall and scream into a pillow and flick away those little devil fingers that keep trying to pinch the extra skin on the back of my arms.

And then that smug jerk called guilt walks into the room with its head held high. It says to me,

"Abbey, this is your job so quit feeling sorry for yourself and do those dishes already ... I just read on the news that the hot dogs you fed Luke and Wes for lunch AND dinner are going to give him cancer tomorrow. Oh! And one more thing before I go (as it consults its black memo notebook) ... Your baby probably hates you for putting him to bed an hour early and now he is going to suffer emotional trauma for crying it out. Have a good one, ma'am!"

Ah, crap.

And then I go and eat half an entire chocolate cake.



The moral of this story is that being a parent is hard. Trying to figure out how to raise HUMAN BEINGS is daunting. And scary. It hurts like hell when you make the wrong choice or see them suffer, and it sucks when you realize you are being the worst version of yourself.

But as parents, we need to remember we are human beings too. We are specifically wired to make mistakes. We are going to fail and lose our tempers. Our kids are going to have days where we are annexed from their hallowed best friend list or tell us they curse the day we were born—such is the life of a parent.

It's unrealistic and detrimental to hold ourselves to an expectation that only exists under the facade of perfection and idealism. It is only when we admit our flaws and weaknesses and surrender to our human emotions that we can become those superheroes our kids think we are.

Fortunately, that admiration and unconditional love I feel from my boys is the thing that keeps me going. They forgive me for my shortcomings as a mom and I find my renewal in that place. I like to imagine it as a pool of crystal, sparkling water. I feel drained at the end of the day because they are filling their pools with the love and sacrifice I give by nurturing and mothering them.

Without fail, they fill my pool back up with that pure refreshing water as well. Whether it's with their arms wide open reaching out to me for a hug, plopping themselves squarely in my lap to read a story, or the words, "I wuv you, mama," I find myself replenished.

My Recipe For Happiness

Two days ago I posted this on Instagram...

"These last few weeks have been a huge game changer for me. I have been inspired and uplifted by friends, old and new. I have been humbled on spiritual and emotional levels. I have discovered a part of myself I didn't know existed—you know how they say you only use 10% of your brain? Well, it's like I have only been using 10% of my heart, but something burst open, and I feel like my heart is overflowing with all kinds of love and understanding. I know that sounds incredibly cheesy, but it's true. And I feel so light, so peaceful. Life is hard. You get up, you get down, and that seems to repeat itself over and over. But now instead of dreading the downs, I am trying to take everything in and see the good in it. I honestly believe goodness always prevails. That being said, be more gentle with yourself, smile at the strangers who cross your path, and try to see others the way their mothers see them—an amazing soul in need of unconditional love."

I am almost positive it is my favorite thing I have ever written. It came from such a raw, honest place deep inside. A place where anger, jealousy, and comparison don't exist. And I LOVED being there. It felt so safe and pure.

One of my awesome blog friends, Meag, then commented on the photo and said she wanted two of whatever I am having. It made me laugh, but it also got me thinking about how I arrived at what I can legitimately call a state of tranquility.



I am not constantly in this zen-like state, and I have to work reaaaaallly hard to stay in this frame of mind, but I have finally found my own personal recipe for happiness, and this is what it entails:

1. Inspiring visual reminders. I am that person who has a quote for anything and everything. My Pinterest quote board has honestly been my best friend and champion in some of my darkest hours. (And this Instagram feed.) I clearly have an obsession for the written word, and I find solace and comfort in knowing that other people are going through my same struggles. (Isn't that the point of art, writing and literature anyway?) The reigning favorite of all those is this quote by Sri Chinmoy, "Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest." There really is nothing else. These three things are the key.

2. Good music. And when I say good music, I mean the stuff that makes your heart beat stronger and faster, and releases a million butterflies free to fly through your chest. When inspired words and a moving harmony come together, it is MAGIC. Music is so powerful, and I draw a lot of my inspiration and balance from it. This particular song is one of those for me.

3. Simplicity. This only became apparent to me once I removed myself from my everyday surroundings (which will lead me to the next ingredient.) We stayed at my parents' house in Utah for almost three weeks and they live a simple life. I always start off our trips with apprehension at not having all of my gadgets and appliances. I feel like I am making them sound like Amish pioneers. They are not. But, for example, they don't have a dishwasher because they live in the house my great-grandparents built in 1890, and many things have not been renovated since the 60's. That kind of stuff. Anyway, it always reminds me that we tend to over-complicate things in life, and shedding the excess is the thing that will set us free.

4. Embracing change and seeking adventure. I tend to be a homebody. I can easily curl up in my bed and Netflix binge for three days without batting an eye. But that's not healthy and usually sends me into a whirlwind of self-loathing. Getting out and exploring nature in particular is always an easy and wonderful way to keep me truly centered. We have been going on hikes as a family, exploring new towns and spending a lot of time at the beach with our toes in the sand and listening to the lull of the waves. It is so good for the soul, I tell you!

5. Giving as much of yourself as you can. And by this I mean paying it forward and doing things for others to increase the quality of their lives. If you sense someone is sad or struggling, follow that nagging feeling to help better their situation. That intuition is usually right, even though it often feels like you are being presumptuous. Or, if someone needs a hand or a favor, say yes! Don't limit your world with "no"! Channel your inner Jim Carrey and say, "Yes, man!" But also learn from his mistakes in that there is always a time and place to say no. (That is the essential part.)

6. Spending time with uplifting people. Not only is it important to have social interactions and bonds with people, but it is paramount that those relationships are with good people. People who understand how you think, appreciate your quirks, and just love and embrace you for who you are. I don't have the energy or time to force friendships. This doesn't mean that I think poorly of people with whom I don't hit it off. I aim to never judge and forgive and love, just as Sri Chinmoy said. But that doesn't mean I need to be everybody's best friend. It's just a fact of life. There are some people with whom you gel, and others you don't. (This quote comes to mind.) But those people with whom you do find that connection, and who do elevate and uplift your spirit—those are the types that make life all the more rich. I love hearing their perspectives and sharing in their positive energy. After all, life is about relationships, considering that we can't take the rest of the materialistic crap with us.

7. Getting rid of unnecessary obligation and guilt. For me personally, I tend to especially rack up guilt and obligation with social media. I feel like if I don't post something regularly to this blog I am leaving people hanging. And I don't like that feeling. As much as I don't act like I am a people-pleaser, I suppose I have become one along the way. But, I also have very recently learned how to do away with most of that extra guilt. This is my journey, and I need to stay true to how I feel about living my life. I am done with letting it bury me like it has for 20+ years. This applies to every facet of life, whether it be religious beliefs, relationships, life choices or something as trivial as social media.

8. Love. Do all things with great love. If it is in the true spirit of charity and kindness, nothing is too impossible or incomprehensible. By some miraculous way, the world begins to make sense. But even if it doesn't, everything somehow works itself out and what you are left with is a case of the warm fuzzies.

So there you have my recipe for happiness:

Inspiring words +  music + simplicity + adventure + good people + shedding guilt + no judgment + forgiveness + love = HAPPY!

I hope you can try it out for yourself and see if it works. It definitely isn't easy to mindfully do all of these things every day. Some days are complete and utter failures. But the more it is practiced, the easier it becomes and life gradually gets happier and peaceful.

That being said, I wish all the love and happiness in the world to you all! xo

My New Year's Resolution: Focus

This 2014 year was good to me. I decided to make a change and use a single word to define the goal for my year. That word was intention. My thoughts on how I did? I am quite pleased with how it turned out.

I was sick of lying around and wasting my days. Being homebound is an obvious side effect of having an infant and a two year old, but I wanted my days to be more full, more meaningful. Intention was the perfect companion to those dull, and sometimes frustrating, days.

We thoughtfully went out and explored new places. I was able to expand my library and acquaint myself with new literature and music. I finally let myself let go of toxic feelings and people in my life. I worked really hard to find new opportunities in blogging and I feel like I achieved that. Conversely, I (kinda, sorta) learned how to unplug myself from technology without feeling guilt or impulse. (But I am still working on it!) We even moved to fulfill our needs for our growing family.

Like I said, 2014 really was a wonderful year. There were mounds of amazing growth, personally and as a family. And I look forward to carrying over my goals under the umbrella of intention into a new concept for 2015...

Focus.

All of those ideas and adventures I experienced were incredible, and I really learned how to seek after the things I want in life. I found a quote a few years ago, and it stuck out to me as a motto to live by, "In order to lead a fascinating life—one brimming with art, music, intrigue, and romance—you must surround yourself with precisely those things." So here I am! I am surrounding myself with the things I want in life. But it seems a little... messy? Chaotic? I feel like there were so many things I wanted to do that much of it got lost. They were buried deep in the thick of journals scribbled with thoughts and calendars unrealistically packed with events and deadlines.

This year is about highlighting the things that matter and applying a tack sharp focus on how to go about living a purposeful life "brimming with art, music, intrigue and romance." My time with Luke and Wes will be more attentive and less full of distractions. My relationship with Matt will be nurtured more and I will work to put down my phone or iPad and be completely present when we are watching a movie together or out on a date.

I am going to blog with more focus, too. This might mean I will be posting more of what I love. Whether it's a post full of photographs (something that has turned into a love and hobby for me) from a day discovering new places, or me writing out the innermost parts of my brain and heart, I want it to be meaningful. I want to share more of my thoughts on how I really feel about life and the things around me without being afraid of people thinking I am an idiot or a stark, raving lunatic. And I don't want to be apologetic for who I am. I am absolutely SICK of blog stats and dissecting my analytics reports. Seriously. Is it really going to matter how many visitors I had in 2015 when 2035 rolls around? I really don't think so. I am absolutely appreciative that this blog is able to bring in some extra income for our family, and it is not possible without that side of things, but I also feel that the glossy effect of commercials and magazines has slowly crept its way in to social media and blogs. And honestly, I don't know if that's all I ever want to see, or create. I love creating posts with content that is useful, but I want to know and show that people still bleed, and cry and are real.

I suppose the optimal word I am reaching for here is "relatable." That's why I do this. I want to find people like me. And chances are that if you are reading this, you are like me! In fact, I know we would be marvelous friends in real life! And that's what life is really all about. Relationships. To quote the great Maya Angelou, "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Here is to living with focus. Here is to intently concentrating on the moment. And here is to connecting with people in a genuine, conscientious way.

(Image source)

Teaching My Boys Gratitude

I remember the first time I ever helped put together packages for families in need. I was about 9 or 10 years old and our church was hosting a holiday food and supplies drive. The gym at our church building was brimming with people, canned goods and non-perishable foods, personal care items and boxes. I was plopped into the canned goods and boxed food section of the assembly line. There were hundreds of cans of green beans and piles of stuffing and cake mix, among various other foods.

There are this many families who would be going without a holiday dinner if it weren't for us, I thought to myself, somewhat alarmed and awestruck. Being the youngest of eight, our resources were somewhat limited at times, but I never went without food and the basic necessities to maintain a happy life. I had no clue what it was like to go without, and a part of my little soul ached for these people. It ached for the other 10-year old girls like me who lived with uncertainty every morning as they awoke if they were going to have food to eat that day. I was very young and that experience brought a whole new perspective to my small, sheltered world.

Gratitude is often said to be the key to to happiness in life. Practiced daily, it can transform life from a cold and resentful place to one of light and joy, even in the most dire of circumstances. Matt and I have experienced our own shifts in our outlooks on life when we have cultivated a grateful attitude. And it truly is life-changing.

Our goal as parents is to teach our boys gratitude. Starting now at this phase in their lives. We are diligent in teaching them to say "thank you" and try to help them understand exactly what it means. Luke is starting to understand. We are also mindfully seeking for opportunities to pair that gratitude with service and have a holiday tradition of helping out families in need.

As we went to hand out fliers for a neighborhood food drive a few days ago, I explained to Luke what we were doing. "You know how your tummy feels when you are hungry? Well, some little boys and girls don't have food to eat, so we are going to find food to give to them so their tummies don't hurt."

I could tell he was trying to process what I was saying as he scooted alongside me. After we finished handing out all the fliers, Luke looked up to me and said, "We find food for boys and guhls, so der tummies feel bettah." I was filled with so much warmth at the sweetness and concern in his eyes. I am not sure if he really understood, but that moment was charged with love.

Gratitude, coupled with service, is the ultimate form of love and charity, and that is what I aim to teach our boys. There will be plenty of faltering and failing as a parent, but I know that if I set those basic, yet profound principles for them, few other things will matter. All of their goodness and kindness will stem from that foundation.

Count all your blessings, tell the people in your life you love them, and enjoy your time with your family and friends this weekend. Happy Thanksgiving!
 

10 Simple Things You Can Do To Be Happier

Last week, I shared my inner thoughts on how I've been stuck in a funk lately, and I am aiming to fix it! I came across an article on Huff Post on ten things you can do to be happier (even backed by science!), and I've decided to incorporate them into my life.

1. Exercise — 20 minutes makes all the difference. We all know that exercise boosts our endorphins, and endorphins make us happy (thanks, Elle Woods!). Even if we only do it for a mere ten minutes or so, it is enough to get those happy juices flowing. The first 20 minutes are the ones that provide the most health benefits. And even if we aren't necessarily losing weight, it has been shown that our body image and overall happiness improves.

2. Sleep more! Science has shown that when we don't sleep enough, we are more prone to negativity. The amygdala is the part of the brain in charge of processing negative stimuli, and the hippocampus is responsible for processing pleasant, positive stimuli. When we are sleep-deprived, it takes a greater toll on our hippocampus than the amygdala, so we are biologically more likely to focus on the negative. And ain't nobody got time for negative shenanigans!

3. Move closer to work, and take necessary breaks. While this doesn't directly affect me, I have always lived close to my places of work in the past, and I will admit it made going to work a heck of a lot more enjoyable. Traffic is a general mood buster for everyone, and having a larger house to compensate for the long haul to work every day does not improve it, according to studies. Since this doesn't apply to me right now, I am going to branch out and say that as a SAHM, breaks are necessary for me regain sanity. Even if it is 15 minutes, or the luxury of a few hours, those uninterrupted moments recharge and are a definite mood booster!

4. Spend quality time with friends and family. This is one of the top five regrets of people on their deathbed — that they didn't spend enough time and energy focusing on their relationships. There was a study done stating relationships are worth more than $100,000. The study showed that an increase in the level of social activity was worth up to $100,000 based on the overall quality of life and satisfaction it brings, but that actual changes in income are only able to buy a very small amount of happiness. I am the WORST at calling friends and family, but whenever I make the effort to make the call or hang out for a quick afternoon, I feel intensely elevated and purposeful.

5. Go outside and get some fresh air! In fact, 13.9°C is the optimal temperature for happiness. For us Americans, that would be 57.02°F. No wonder everyone loves fall so much! It's not the pumpkin spiced latte after all! It's the dip in weather! But seriously, getting outside it good for the mind and soul. Spending 20 minutes in fresh air has been found to improve mood and our thinking and working memory.

6. Help and serve others. In fact, 100 hours per year does the trick! It calculates to two hours of service per week, or 17 minutes per day — we all have the time for that! Studies have shown that doing something for others produces the single most reliable increase in well-being of anything that has been tested. So perhaps, this should be #1 on the list. Also, Mother Teresa. One of the few legitimately self-actualized people to have ever lived, based on this very principle.

7. Smile, backed by positive thinking. Studies on customer service workers who "fake" smiled actually ended up in worse moods when they were upset. The trick to really practice smiling is to back it up with a positive feeling (a vacation, a joke, etc) and to smile with your eye sockets. This type of smiling will lead to an improved mood. And smiling has even been found to alleviate pain!

8. Plan a trip, but don't actually take one — try something new each day. A study published in applied research in the quality of life showed that the peak of an individual's happiness when going on vacation was the actual planning part because of the anticipation of something new and different. A study also found that watching your favorite movie can raise your endorphins by 27%. Basically, a break from the monotony of the everyday and a change in scenery is necessary for a lift in spirits. Do something new and refreshing each day, even if it is the tiniest thing.

9. Meditate. If consistently practiced, we can rewire our brains to be more focused and positive, just the way we feel after we meditate. Scans of the brain after meditation show a huge change in the structures, which shows we are more content, calm, and overall happy.

10. Keep an attitude of gratitude. Life satisfaction has been scientifically shown to increase when we practice an outward display of gratitude. Whether it's keeping a gratitude journal, sharing two or three things you are grateful for with a friend or significant other, or verbally expressing your heartfelt gratitude to someone, they all have been proven to make people happier. Amen to all of above!

I am sick of feeling out of control of my own life, and I am making the choice to rise above the fog and frowny faces — starting with my own anti-depression movement! I will be doing the following ten things every day. I usually start this kind of thing in November because it's the socially prompted season to do it, but I want this to be a permanent life change. One I practice each day, with intention and purpose, starting today.

I will sporadically be sharing some of the things I am doing on my social media channels, using the hashtag #10happyhabits. I invite you to join along in incorporating these ten habits of happiness into your daily life as well, so we can inspire and encourage one another. I would love to see how you keep your life full of vitality and joy.

Here's to the best days ahead of us!

Image via Style Me Pretty

You're A Dang Good Mother

It's been one of those days.

Crying children. Crumbs and a sticky mess everywhere you step. Running on maybe four hours of sleep. Feels like you've done nothing but yell, "no!" and "stop!" all day long and your patience exited the door approximately 30 minutes after you woke up an hour too early. Your hair hasn't seen shampoo (or a brush for that matter) for days. And forget about even bothering to get dressed in "normal" clothes.

I feel ya, sister. You're down and out, grasping for a life raft, and have convinced yourself you are certifiably nuts.

But you know what? You're a dang good mother!

In the last few days on various social media platforms and in real life, I've noticed several fellow moms, whom I admire, struggling with the pressures of motherhood. Feeling anxiety and insecurities if they are doing it all wrong, or right, or just not having a freaking clue. (I usually fall into that last category.)

Parenthood is a total crapshoot. There aren't any official right or wrong answers because we are all different human beings trying desperately to raise other tiny human beings with their own set of characteristics and needs, in hopes they are learning to be kind and good people. When you put all of that pushing and pulling together, it is a beautiful and insanely complex notion. It makes sense why motherhood is astonishingly emotional.

I just want to tell you, right here, right now that you are doing a terrific job at being a mom. "Mother" is a verb in my opinion, because it requires action on all fronts, and you rise to that occasion every single day. The fact that you worry so much is the best indicator that you're dominating this mothering job. It's a terrific sign that you are consistently looking for ways you can increase the quality of your child's life. And instead of selfishly thinking about yourself, you're focusing your energy on how you can get past this hurdle of insecurity to be a happy, positive influence in their life.

Life is a series of leveling up. Each road block I've slammed into always emerges into something incredible after the dust settles. And then there is a brand new path for me to travel along and enjoy the beautiful journey, until that one no longer suits my life's course and I run into another road block. And so the cycle continues, always leading to grander horizons.

So what if you don't have it all figured out, and you've all been eating cereal for dinner for the last three nights? I am willing to bet your kids love the guts out of you either way. You're giving it your best each and every day, and that is all you can do. Stop beating yourself up and comparing yourself to the other mothers out there. Because the truth is, we are all fighting similar battles. Of course each battle comes in various packages with a specific set of needs and issues, but the point is we all struggle. We all feel the frustrations, cry the tears, and experience the growing pains because we are ultimately all part of the same existence.

As the enchanting Rumi said, "Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion."

See? You are full of spirit and life and purpose — this calling of motherhood was made for you, and you made it come alive. It is the most divine mission in all of life, even though the grit and grime of everything it involves often makes you feel small, alone, and probably a bit (or a lot) crazy.

Now, go shut yourself in the bathroom for two minutes and have a good cry or a fantastically satisfying scream. Then, go look yourself in the mirror and smile until you laugh. And before you turn to walk out the door, believingly tell yourself, "I am a DANG good mother!"

(You're actually a damn good mother, but, you know, babies ... EVERYWHERE. Earmuffs!)

 

The "Ugly" Truth

So, lifestyle blogs. The place where we are guaranteed to find radiating photos (taken on a DSLR camera, no less) of perfectly dressed children and their mothers (decked head to toe in overpriced, brand name clothing) working on a DIY project, laughing as they eat organic rhubarb (grown in their own garden — gotta' keep the farm-to-table trend alive and well!) cupcakes infused with lavender that were made hours earlier in their Pinterest-inspired kitchen on a reclaimed wood table (from Restoration Hardware or some other fantastically obscure designer based in Brooklyn). Give or take some of these descriptions to fit with the geographic location of the blog, and there you have the classic world of lifestyle blogging and the happiness it perpetuates.

I am absolutely no exception to this epidemic of showcasing our very best self, and I don't plan on stopping. (Did you see the cake I made in my last post? I'm practically H.H. Martha Stewart with that junk!) I am simply here today to share the un-staged sidelines of this blog, because life isn't constantly a platter brimming with a gingerly frosted cake topped with sprinkles (although my life is filled with a consistent supply of sugary treats of some sort because I firmly believe in eating my feelings).

What I generally share on this blog is a very small sliver of our life, and I'd be a big, fat liar if I said I didn't put a great deal of effort into creating a specific aesthetic and image that I want portrayed. (We bloggers would make for a mighty fine sociology study, don't you think?) So, here I am putting on blast the "ugly" parts of life as lifestyle blogging has conditioned me to think, when in reality this is just normal.

Couldn't tell you the last time I organized this shelf even if I tried. This is where all of our bills, paperwork and random stuff I don't know what to do with goes to die. (I am pretty sure there may be dead bugs inside that paisley box. I do live with all boys, you know . . . )

This dirty laundry has been piling up for a solid week now, and it will probably remain that way for another day . . . or three. Maybe even five if I'm feeling extra unruly.



And here is our clean laundry . . . What was that? It looks about the same? Thank you for noticing! I worked extra hard on it. I call it my "DIY Organization Hack" which fits right up there with my meticulously color-coded filing system as outlined above.

This picture doesn't do the crumbs and general filthiness on our counter the justice it deserves. Actually, the more I stare at this picture, the more I realize this is rather sorta' clean looking. Those dishes have been sitting in the sink for two days and that sandwich stands as a symbol of toddler rebellion in refusal to eat real food. Luke has eaten three bowls of Rice Chex today (with cow's milk that probably has been treated with hormones because I bought it at the Smart N' Final across the street because I can't muster the energy to drive to Trader Joe's . . . gasp!) and nothing else because I am too tired to argue with a 2-year-old that he needs to eat his vegetables and whole grains.

If you were to look reaaallly close, you'd see lots of dirt and crumbs that probably migrated from the aforementioned kitchen counters onto the rug. Those are regular old plastic toys that use batteries (another gasp!). It's not all expensive wooden toys and a playroom that envies that of a Swedish interior designer's nursery. And yes, Luke is still in his pajamas at 2 pm, and we have no intentions of getting out of them at this point in the day. Better luck tomorrow?

You know all those Instagram photos and blog projects I post with a lovely white backdrop in an attempt to make them look beautifully staged? They are all taken on this table, which just so happens to have grimy toe smudges and banana goo all over the bottom and edges.

Yep, I'm still in my pajamas, too, which consists of one of my husband's ragged tees and no pants. Complete with milk stains, snot and unknown bodily fluid I'd probably prefer to keep a mystery. No post-processing here, folks. This is me in my full glory with no makeup, under-eye bags, pimples and dirty, rooty hair. Oh, and that little green string in the bottom right corner? That's desperation in the form of a tied string on the bathroom doorknob to Luke's doorknob to keep him in his room because he refused to take a nap and we'd been battling all day, going back and forth with him opening his door and me barking orders in my best Napoleon-esque French accent to "get back in ze bed!" It's one of those days.

And while I was taking the above picture, I thought I'd add in this lovely bathroom mirror that hasn't been cleaned for about a week. And that concludes today's photo tour of our life.

I fear that in an effort to throw a little sunshine out into the world by means of sharing the cheery, creative parts of our lives, there is this stark backlash of inadequacy and exclusion creeping in and robbing our self-esteem as fellow mothers and women from all different walks of life.

I can just see the comments playing through my mind half the time as I read blogs and scroll through Instagram accounts, and I am betting you probably do the same . . . "Wow, her house is so perfectly organized and decorated, and mine looks like a daycare threw a rager. And man, is that thing from (insert various designer household appliances and furniture)?! Must be nice to have a wildly disposable income. Is that mother of five wearing heels?! Psshhh, puh-leaze! That girl is trippin'!" (Worst joke, EVER . . . )

I am writing these phrases from experience and as I read them back to myself, I would like to give myself a swift slap in the face! How and why do I let myself sink to those unhealthy, materialistic levels? It's toxic and downright shameful, honestly. Is all that crap really that important? Answer: NO.

As I stand here on my hypocritical soapbox, I am not intending to demean or belittle the beautiful lives that people in blogland choose to share. I simply want to inspire and empower my fellow women, and let them know that it's okay to be imperfect. Trivial and mundane things, such as unorganized cupboards, messy floors, pimples, and the contents of our closets and living rooms, to the very real and emotional things such as relationship struggles, physical and mental health issues, addictions, and labels based on socioeconomic status and race should not define us and be a gauge of our self worth. Nobody, I repeat, nobody is perfect, and we are certainly fools to compare ourselves to other people and believe that their lives come with no "ugly." After all, as our beloved Pinterest ironically says in sleek and whimsical typography, comparison is the thief of joy.

4 Simple Mantras To Live By

Two nights ago while I was silently crouched over in child's pose, my yoga instructor recited four mantras to gather from, which I desperately needed to hear. I wanted to share them in case you needed to hear these words this week, too.

1. Be impeccable with your words — speak with integrity and say only what you mean.

2. Don't take it personally — let the opinions and actions of others bounce off of you and do not internalize them. They are not intended for you, and are merely a projection of their own self.

3. Never make assumptions — if you have a question or doubts, simply ask to find clarity and understanding.

4. Always do your best — take note that our "best" constantly varies in time and situation; consider your physical stamina while you are sick, versus when you are feeling your most healthy. Your best will assuredly fluctuate at different levels. So, be gentle with yourself and take comfort and peace in putting your best out there, and not the "best" of others.

An Arizona Weekend

Last weekend we took a quick weekend road trip for my niece's baptism. I cannot believe Camri is already 8! My sister and her saintly husband were kind enough to let me live with them for a year in Arizona when the Coco Bean was just a wee little babe, and now I have a baby (by the way, doesn't Wes practically look like a teenager in that picture above? sniffle, sniffle) that is the same age Camri was when I lived with them! Craziness, I tell you. Needless to say, that gal holds a dear spot in my heart. It was truly a treat to play the photographer and capture her special day with my family.

We are so proud of you, little lady, and love you so much!

The Post-Baby Body Complex

When I look in the mirror in my most raw and vulnerable state, staring back at me is a body covered in scars, marks, and fleshy skin. My stomach is not flat and tight, but rather readjusting from stretching itself to take on a different kind of beauty that comes with carrying life. The backs of my thighs are riddled with grooves and dimples, previously preparing a way for my baby to enter the world. My waist continues to hold on to those extra inches, which sustained my body to hold the weight of a growing child in my womb, and my face is still slightly more round, all the more to smile back with to my cooing baby.

I am sick of the tiresome and grueling pressure I feel as a woman to achieve a picturesque body, especially after having a baby. Our society inundates women with images of how we should and should not look — moms should be thin specimens of proof that having a baby doesn't ruin your body; moms should take pride in not "letting go" of themselves (I hate that saying); moms shouldn't be fat and frumpy; moms shouldn't use motherhood as an excuse to not maintain a fit and chiseled body.

I vehemently disagree with all of that nonsense with all the passion my motherly and "flawed" body holds.

One of my favorite quotes is from Eat, Pray, Love, when Elizabeth Gilbert is talking about the unrealistic standards of the female body image, and her final surrender to release herself from its confines.

"Let me ask you something. In all the years that you have ... undressed in front of a gentleman, has he ever asked you to leave? Has he ever walked out and left? No? It's because he doesn't care! He's in a room with a naked girl, he just won the lottery. I am so tired of saying no, waking up in the morning and recalling every single thing I ate the day before, counting every calorie I consumed so I know just how much self loathing to take into the shower. I'm going for it. I have no interest in being obese, I'm just through with the guilt. So this is what I'm going to do, I'm going to finish this pizza, and then we are going to go watch the soccer game, and tomorrow we are going to go on a little date and buy ourselves some bigger jeans."

Clap, clap, clap! Bravo, Elizabeth Gilbert! Thank you for putting what we women feel into such delightful and relatable words. Isn't it the truth, though? I have absolutely no interest in being obese, and I certainly have no interest in measuring up, or rather down, to the inches and pounds of models and celebrities tormented with eating disorders. I'm tired of everyone treating sugar likes it's anthrax. I wholeheartedly believe in putting healthy, clean foods in my body, coupled with exercising, but I wholeheartedly believe in balance and enjoying life, too. And in my case, that comes in the form of a double layered chocolate cake.

Like Elizabeth, I am done sabotaging my self-confidence with a deluded sense of self-image. I can confidently say I am at a point in my life where I am beginning to truly love myself, imperfections and foibles included. I love my scars and soft, flimsy midsection. You know, I'm even beginning to love my cellulite if you can believe it. And it's because I am a woman. My body was made to be curvy and stretched and marked in order to give life. And I wear those womanly, motherhood badges proudly.

Be on your hungry way, Post-Baby Body Complex. I don't want you, and I definitely don't need you.

Wesley's Baby Blessing

Me || Dress: c/o PinkBlush Maternity. Wes || Blessing outfit: Dressed in White.

I know I don't talk a bunch of religion on this blog, but my beliefs really are a huge part of my life. With that, my family came out last weekend to take part in Wesley's baby blessing. In our church, infants receive a baby blessing when they are born. Kind of like a christening, with the exception of the whole baptism thing, which, if you are familiar with the Mormon religion, doesn't happen until age 8. 

Wes was blessed by his daddy on Sunday, January 5, 2014 in our Encinitas ward. Isn't his outfit just the most darling thing you've ever seen? Those knee socks made his thigh rolls even more prominent and delicious. I just want to eat him up! Anyway, the blessing was beautiful, and again, it was truly a treat to have family there to support.

In short, I just want to say I am grateful families and that I get to be with mine forever. I am grateful for the knowledge of Jesus Christ, and that through his grace and love I can find happiness and joy in this life.