How To Prevent Baby Fever This Holiday Season

Christmas card photos are officially complete, and that means I've spent my evening editing and comparing photos from past years. How do I have two HUGE boys already?! It's not fair. No way, Jose.

While getting them ready for bed tonight, I dressed Wes in Luke's Christmas pajamas from last year. I remember putting them in the closet a few months ago thinking, There is no way he will fit into these by Christmas! Sure enough, he fits them—and fills them out. Like a tank.

Needless to say, the baby fever is STRONG tonight. (<<< All caps and italics. That's how bad it is, people.) Looks like I better take my own advice in this article I wrote for What to Expect. You hoping the baby fever will skip you this year? You struggling to stay immune? I've got you covered, girl. Grab your how-to guide here.

Good luck! Let me know how it goes for you! ;)

How Do You Talk To Your Kids?

On Monday I took the boys to a new park as a reward for bravely enduring their annual flu shots. Such an ordeal deserves a prize as grandiose as a shiny new-to-us park, after all.

There we were. Or should I say there they were, zipping down the slides and flinging their army men off the edge of those death trap fire poles. (WHY do they put those in parks for toddlers and young children? Seriously. And would you consider yourself a "park mom"? I don't. I consider myself a "sit-on-the-benches-and-don't-bother-me-unless-you-are-bleeding-because-I-am-reading-a-great-book mom". It's called sanity, people.) I began hearing mom voices with their high-pitched vowels creeping up over the edge of the pages and weaseling their way into my ears.

"Sweetie, we have to wait our turn. No, no, noooo we don't push other people in line."

"Do you want to go on the swings with brother?!

"You turn around and go tell that little boy sorry. You gave him an owie."

"Would that make you happy if mommy played trucks with you?"

"YAAYYYY! Good job!"

"Ooopsy! It's okay. Ohhhh, it's okkaaaaayyy. Mommy's got youuuu."

Disclaimer: I am not making fun of moms. Okay, yes, I am making fun of moms. BUT! That includes myself. I guarantee I have uttered each of these statements approximately 3,462 times in my short career as a mother. Really, if anyone deserves a trophy in the world of mom voice, it's me! Gold medal, numero uno! Look at my kid in the picture above giving himself the face palm because of my mom voice!

Moving on.

I started silently laughing to myself, because a few weeks earlier I had just watched The BreakWomb video about what it would look like if moms talked to their friends the way they talk to their kids. It had never occurred to me how much we practically morph into another person when talking to kids. Specifically our own.

And it started me thinking. And observing.

Do I talk to my kids like that? Yes, we have already established that concept.

Do ALL moms talk to their kids like that? Are you THAT mom?

(Side story! I just was Googling why moms use baby talk and the science behind it, but look at which suggestions popped up based on popular search. Things like this give me both a sense of incredulity and faith in humanity. I'll tell you why moms hate Caillou. He's a whiner. Nobody likes a whiner of that magnitude. And he's too old to be doing the baby talk thing... wait a minute. I bet you Caillou's mom does the mom voice when nobody is looking! And moms kiss their babies because they smell like pink slices of cake from heaven. I would also like to point out that moms don't hate their sons, they just hate the decisions they are making. The rest of these make me sad and I don't want to talk about them. Moving on AGAIN...)

Alright, as you were, as you were. Apparently science tells us that the term I have so scholarly dubbed "mom voice" is more widely known as "motherese" or "parentese" and it is used for bonding and language development. Mothers naturally tend to do this so they can teach their kids how to connect on a more intimate level.

Now that we have learned it is a maternal instinct to "motherese" the cheeks right off our kids' faces, at what age do we stop? Do you find yourself speaking more directly to your kids and conversing with them in a normal, adult manner from an early age? Six months? One? Five? Personally, my own mom has never been one for the baby talk, and always spoke directly with us and still does with anyone age one and up—er, possibly even four months and up, but who's counting? I appreciate that and try to remind myself to tone it down with the, "Ohhhhh, my little bayyybeee!" Especially since Wes just turned two.

In turn, I have found myself paying more attention to how mothers speak with their children as well. It's incredibly fascinating, don't you think? On a scale of 1-10, how guilty are you of the mom voice?

Teaching Kids Life Skills

Ever since Luke was old enough to push a chair to the kitchen counter, he has been helping me in the kitchen—two years as my sous chef and apprentice baker! We started with the basics of letting him clank and pound the mixing cups and spoons. His next promotion was to the enviable position of cake batter mixer (even though he was extraordinarily messy and would only power through a couple of stirs before getting distracted.)

He is now fairly skilled in the kitchen and has climbed the ranks to egg cracker, master mixer, and assembly line manager. He gets paid in baked goods and his benefits package includes an annual library membership and 20 hours of Netflix vacation per month. (If you are interested in a position, please inquire within.)

This weekend his job was preparing our Pillsbury™ Grands! Cinnamon Rolls. Luke unrolled the package, took a spoon to the can and made it pop like a champ. (That's always the best part of making Pillsbury goods... POP! He thought it was hilarious.) Since he came dressed as a puppy, I gave him a pay raise of one extra spoonful of icing. (This kid is living large!) We also made bacon and eggs, and threw in some grapes on the side to make it a grand weekend brunch! And grand it certainly was!

I really do love Luke's curiosity and willingness to help. Even though it makes more of a mess and takes double the time, these are the moments where I am not only bonding with him, but teaching him life skills. He is learning the basics of measuring, working on his counting and numbers when setting the timer, and finessing those fine motor skills by opening containers or drizzling on the icing.

I like to envision him in the future as the kid in his freshman dorm who knows how to make a mean apple pie, or that he will sweep his future wife off her feet by preparing Julia Child's beef bourguignon—it will be our own version of The Princess and the Pea to see if she can appreciate the beauty of his cooking skills, but we will call it The Princess and the Beef instead.

Most importantly, I hope someday (when he is a famous chef at a Michelin star restaurant) he looks fondly on memories of cooking and baking with me in the kitchen, knowing it was the place where his love and knowledge of food was instilled. I know it sure is making my days and memories more sweet.

Disclosure: This post was sponsored by General Mills through their partnership with POPSUGAR Select. While I was compensated to write a post about Pillsbury™ Grands! Cinnamon Rolls, all opinions are my own.

6 Fun End Of School Year Traditions To Do With Kids

School's out for summer! Or it almost is.

I remember how excited I would be for summer vacation when I was a kid, and I can't believe Luke will be starting school in just a couple of years. It's weird how quickly time passes, and might I add, a little freaky. My memories of elementary school are crystal! How do we make time stop?

Anyway, I wrote a cute, little roundup of fun end of school year traditions to start with your kids on Parenting.com. (Hint: it includes water balloons and the cutest summer reading list packet you will ever see.) Come read it here!

I can't wait to start these with our boys. Happy summer vacation!

Image sources 1 & 2

The Greatest Parenting Advice From 9 Amazing Moms

"When I get those handouts to write down my “parenting advice” at a baby shower, I always want to preface it by saying, please read this at two in the morning, when your sweet but fussy baby still doesn’t sleep through the night, the sound of your spouse’s REM snores make you rage blackout, and you’re trying to Google “voodoo/witchcraft guaranteed to make babies sleep” while simultaneously bouncing the guilty offender as you pace the floor because your baby KNOWS when you try to sit down for a break. Then, and only then, will these words mean anything to you as a parent: “This too shall pass, we’re all just making it up as we go along, and you’re doing a great job.”

That run-on sentence has gotten me through my darkest parenting hours. That and a lot of tears. There is no secret, no magic recipe for successful parenting, but there is survival and joy in this holy and hard job.

This too shall pass. 

A toddler who is a stage five clinger?

This too shall pass.

A toddler who offers to wipe your bum because curiosity trumps privacy every time?

This too shall pass.

A toddler who speaks whine so fluently it’s frightening?

This too shall pass.

It all passes. It doesn’t make it easier, it doesn’t make it go away, it just reminds you that you can do the seemingly impossible until it passes to the next seemingly impossible.

We’re all just making it up as we go along. 

Truthfully, just like the generations of “know-it-all-you’re-over-thinking-it” Grandmas before us, we’re all just making it up as we go along. Mistakes and bad decisions are part of the process. Treat yourself just like you would your child when they make a mistake; forgive. Remember that love is unconditional. And chase it all down with a fruit snack. Fruit snacks forever.

You’re doing a great job.

I have a theory that all mothers want to hear, on repeat, “You’re doing a great job.” Surround yourself with your mama soulmates who will say just that. You know, those ones who will dance stupidly in a Target with you when your kid successfully uses the potty for the first time. Those who will respond to every one of the dozens of pictures you send her of your kids because your mother-bias leads you to believe your kids won the clever and adorable lottery. And finally, those who will give you a resounding, “Amen!” when you text to confess that you just asked your toddler to please stop speaking for an unprecedented two minutes. (Prepare to stand in complete heart-eye emoji awe if your child actually complies and then give yourself a giant pat on the back for being such a brilliant mama.) Surround yourself with those mamas who love you and your children hard, and those who love going to the bathroom alone even harder.

Really, it’s impossible to know what parenting will be like when you’re hopped up on the all those gifts, food you didn’t have to cook, and the estrogen plentiful at a baby shower. There is no way to understand the depth of love and sacrifice you’re going to face. Parenting is magic and messy, and the reminder that “this too shall pass, we’re all just making it up as we go along, and you’re doing a great job,” brings me hope, and fruit snacks, as I move along the path of imperfect parenthood." -Bekka, one of my favorite mama friends who constantly inspires me, mother of two genius and adorable toddlers.

"Be teachable. We don't always know what we are doing as mom, but when we mess up let that be a teaching moment. Dont' get down on yourself. Learn from your children, from your mistakes and let it be something you can add to your skill set. We know that children are forgiving, humble and absolutely loving, and we can be teachable just like them.  And I think it help us get down on a level that will appreciate our children and be grateful. Gratitude is also a skill that will develop if we allow ourselves to be teachable. I have come to appreciate those moments where I can learn and grow right alongside my children." -Shelby, my beautiful and sweet mama friend, mother of a handsome brood of little toddlers and baby boys.

"Someone recently asked me what advice I would give to new parents. It was this; just breathe, don't listen to anybody else but yourself. You are your child's ultimate gift, you know exactly what, when and how they need you. Trust your gut, relax and have fun. Everything will be just fine." -Miko, my Instagram friend who I think is an incredible mom, mother of adorable teenage and elementary-age kids. 

"The best parenting advice I can give is that parents work as a "team" and together they give their children love in the form of structure, instruction, values, faith, and encouragement. When parents together share these objectives there is consistency and continuity. Without it there are feelings of confusion and children flounder." -Dianne, my mother-in-law, mother of the best husband in the world and two other, equally fabulous, adult kids. 

"For me, the best parenting advice is to take care of your marriage. Not every home has a married mother and father. I didn't have that growing up but I know that's what I wanted for my children—a strong, healthy marriage for them to benefit from. I learned that if you take the time to love and respect your spouse, your children will feel safe and literally secure in their little world. The truth is they will see how you respond to your spouse in a quarrel. And they will do the same. They will watch how you treat each other and they will mimic. They will listen how you talk about your spouse when the spouse isn't present and they will observe. They will love how you love. In the end they will ultimately do as we do, not as we say. As we love, honor and respect each other we will teach our children that marriage is valuable and a blessing, and that the family unit is ordained of God." -Lindsay, my sister-in-law, mother of bright elementary-aged kids, a happy toddler and smiley baby.

"When your kids want to talk with you or spend time with you, you take it and cherish it! They grow SO fast!" -Darcie, my sister-in-law, mother of fantastic teenage kids.

"'If I had my child to raise all over again,
I’d build self esteem first, and the house later.
I’d fingerpaint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.
I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I’d do more hugging and less tugging.
I’d see the oak tree in the acorn more often.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I’d model less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love.'

This poem by Diane Loomans puts everything in perspective and is perhaps the best thing I have ever read about being a parent. For that reason it has hung on my fridge for I don't know how many years. It is a total eye-opener, and yes, on occasion it makes me feel guilty. We all experience mom guilt though, right? Being a mom is a work in progress! Some days I do a better job than others. But I love my kids so much that I try to improve each day." -Holly, my middle sister, mother of awesome elementary-aged kids and the cutest, chubbiest baby. 

"I think it is valuable if you can instill in your children to be happy with who they are. Not to be the best, but to do their best! It makes us all feel okay about ourselves—and that's healthy-minded!" -Ginger, my oldest sister, mother of incredibly sweet elementary-aged kids.

"Love your children unconditionally. Don't compare them to one another—it's not a competition." -Marie, my amazing mama, mother to EIGHT crazy, and wonderful adult children.

What Naptime Looks Like When Kids Share A Bedroom

"Wes will go down easily in his crib, and Luke will lay quietly in his bed until I shut the door. Then all hell breaks lose. Toys are flying through the air, crashing like bombs in a war zone; cars and blocks are scattered so violently you'd think the toy box contracted a nasty case of food poisoning."

A few months ago I wrote a post for What to Expect about the battle called naptime when kids share a room. It seems as if the sleeping gods are against you and are purposely trying to drive you to the looney bin—I know, I hear ya!

Naturally, I wrote an ode of sorts about the very real struggle of this nappy situation, so come on over and read the entire post here!

Also, stay tuned for a little bedroom tour coming soon!

My Breaking Point As A Mom

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" comes a high-pitched squeal from the bedroom. Then another shrieking voice joins in and it sounds like we are a family of wild birds.

I can only imagine what all the ruckus sounds like to neighbors taking an evening walk on the street down below. It's 6 pm and the windows are open to let the heat from the day escape through the slats of the screens, and it feels as if every shout and bop and wail is being broadcast to the world.

Soon the squeals turn into a tantrum or meltdown because someone has ripped the red barn out of the other one's hands.

And it's at that 327th scream of the day that I reach my breaking point.

Toddlers are fantastic little specimens. They are silly, they provide high value entertainment, they are smart, they are inquisitive, they love bigger than their bodies, and they are funny. But they are also incredibly exhausting. Fourteen hour days with a 3-year-old and 1-year-old are freaking brutal mentally and physically.

Our house is scattered with stuffed animals and wooden train tracks, and those tiny socks always seem to be missing their mate on the other side of the room. Many nights I just stare at the mess and feel completely overwhelmed from the events of wrangling the people who created the explosion of toys, and I want to dramatically collapse against the wall and cry.


I try really hard to be happy and positive. I think thoughts are powerful tools which should be wielded in goodness. But I have my off days, and sometimes I just need to vent. Some days I just need to bang my head on the wall and scream into a pillow and flick away those little devil fingers that keep trying to pinch the extra skin on the back of my arms.

And then that smug jerk called guilt walks into the room with its head held high. It says to me,

"Abbey, this is your job so quit feeling sorry for yourself and do those dishes already ... I just read on the news that the hot dogs you fed Luke and Wes for lunch AND dinner are going to give him cancer tomorrow. Oh! And one more thing before I go (as it consults its black memo notebook) ... Your baby probably hates you for putting him to bed an hour early and now he is going to suffer emotional trauma for crying it out. Have a good one, ma'am!"

Ah, crap.

And then I go and eat half an entire chocolate cake.



The moral of this story is that being a parent is hard. Trying to figure out how to raise HUMAN BEINGS is daunting. And scary. It hurts like hell when you make the wrong choice or see them suffer, and it sucks when you realize you are being the worst version of yourself.

But as parents, we need to remember we are human beings too. We are specifically wired to make mistakes. We are going to fail and lose our tempers. Our kids are going to have days where we are annexed from their hallowed best friend list or tell us they curse the day we were born—such is the life of a parent.

It's unrealistic and detrimental to hold ourselves to an expectation that only exists under the facade of perfection and idealism. It is only when we admit our flaws and weaknesses and surrender to our human emotions that we can become those superheroes our kids think we are.

Fortunately, that admiration and unconditional love I feel from my boys is the thing that keeps me going. They forgive me for my shortcomings as a mom and I find my renewal in that place. I like to imagine it as a pool of crystal, sparkling water. I feel drained at the end of the day because they are filling their pools with the love and sacrifice I give by nurturing and mothering them.

Without fail, they fill my pool back up with that pure refreshing water as well. Whether it's with their arms wide open reaching out to me for a hug, plopping themselves squarely in my lap to read a story, or the words, "I wuv you, mama," I find myself replenished.

Dear Wes, Let's Go On An Adventure

Dear Wes,

Since the day you were born, life has been an adventure. Even your entrance into this world was trailblazing its own course. I admire that about you. Yes, I know you aren't even a year and a half old yet, but I know your spirit, and it is one with a fiery passion. One that I am sure will thirst for exciting journeys and fascinating experiences.

For now, I get to introduce you to the tiniest sliver of the world as we go on our own adventures. You are strapped on my back and off we go. To the ocean to find seashells and starfish; around town exploring hidden treasures and sharing a cup of chocolate ice cream; soaking in that sunny Vitamin D and inhaling the fresh air on a day hike.

This is what living looks and feels like.

Thank you for being my little pal. I am lucky I get to explore the world with you, and see it through the wonder and awe of your eyes. I wish you a life full of love, curiosity, and adventure.

Love,

Mama

(P.S. I am wearing Wes in the LÍLLÉ Baby carrier in charcoal and I absolutely love it.)

Encouraging Creativity In Toddlers

The worry that I am not encouraging creativity within my boys to its full potential is a constant one. Are they playing with the wrong toys? Do they spend too much time watching mindless television? Do they get outside enough and use their imagination to invent their own fun? It's one thought missile after another of doubts and fears.

But, that is silly mind talk. I shouldn't listen to that anxious parenting voice inside my head. You know, the one that says you aren't doing an adequate job or that your kids are going to be irreversibly screwed up and in therapy for not getting the chocolate cake for dessert. Or in therapy because they did get the chocolate cake. Anyway, the point is that that voice is ridiculous and sometimes it is best to get our of your own head, and just do what feels right.


I think a lot about that concept in regard to my overall parenting style, and that includes encouraging Luke and Wesley's creativity. We obviously live in a world where tablets and smartphones and gadgets are the new norm for learning, and I want to teach them how to responsibly use technology to further their knowledge and education. But, I also want them to learn how to entertain themselves in the good, old-fashioned way using simple toys and objects around them, or the sheer power of imagination. We have been working on all those forms lately, and I just wanted to share what we are doing.

Luke thinks farms and animals are ALL the rage lately. It's barn this, and cow that, and cluck-cluck here and a moo-moo there. He has a set of basic farm animals, a fence, a truck and a small barn. It has been absolutely fascinating and fun to watch him and Wes play. They teach each other animal sounds and the hay bales go on grand adventures. Yesterday the spotted cow provided play dough milk for all the other farm animals and the farm truck tried its hand at racing the tractor. It is all silly and simple, but they are learning about animals and work and putting their imaginations to good use.



As far as apps go, we always mainly to educational ones (with the exception of Star Wars Angry Birds). We are enormous Disney fans, and are doing our Disneyland annual passholder duties by getting Disney apps. We just downloaded Mickey's Magical Arts World from Disney Imagicademy and Luke is obsessed. It's an interactive, curriculum-driven type of experience which incorporates the characters he knows and loves so dearly. Luke is learning more about shapes, colors, textures and music through it. His favorite is painting this little cat in orange cheese and sprinkles and making car tracks over it. He gets this deep belly laugh every time it comes to life. They have an Imagicademy Parents app too, which allows you to monitor your kid's progress on their projects activities. I love taking a look at what Luke makes. Mickey's Magical Arts World is designed for kids ages 3-8 and is exclusively available for the iPad, which you can download here. I highly recommend it!


Luke just started getting into imaginary play. Just last night he and Matt were pretending our bed was an island and that the ground was covered in lava and sharks. They had to sprint and dodge to grab "food" without getting eaten. I felt like I was overhearing an Indiana Jones adventure between all of the drama and action of the forbidden fires and depths of the oceans. Then suddenly Luke decided they were puddles. His cute, little voice said, "Hmmm... Dare are puddows! We gotta jump in them!" And then the thumps and booms of his jumping onto the floors echoed through the hall.


I love witnessing all of these playful moments and feel immensely blessed that I am able to be present. Inventing imaginary planets and landscapes, coming up with goofy stories, learning about horse poop according to a three-year-old, and seeing Luke's creations (both on paper and on the iPad) are the moments I live for. All of these little things are what excite me as soon as a I open my eyes in the morning, and what I reminisce about at night before I drift off to sleep.



Creativity is power and gives life, and I hope I am encouraging it in my boys as much as possible—they deserve all the best this world has to give.

I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own. Thanks for supporting our sponsors!

Establishing A Morning Routine With Kids

I am not what you would call a "morning person." Waking up bright and cheerful with birds singing in the background has never been something I excel at, but now that I have kids, mornings are not negotiable. Even if I idiotically decide to go to bed at 3 am, Luke and Wes will still rise and shine with the morning sun at 6 am on the dot. And that means I have to be bright-eyed and bushy tailed at the crack of dawn as well, to make sure we are planting firm roots for establishing a morning routine.

Fortunately, I have wised up since having kids and get to bed at an incredibly respectable hour. (My mom and dad are extremely proud.) This is essential because as the old saying goes, "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" I am the one setting the tone for the day, and I am really trying to be better at being a good example of getting up and being productive, all while maintaining a positive attitude.



Here are some things I have learned along the way:

1. Establishing a set wake up time gives kids stability because we all know little ones like predictability. Obviously, this means they are on a good sleeping schedule, which I have found to be one of the biggest factors in happy kids. Babies and toddlers who aren't sleeping well seem to have all sorts of issues, but as soon as the sleeping is set in stone, all is right with the world.

2. When I am having a calm and easygoing morning, the kids mirror those same emotions. I have learned that my attitude can make or break anything, and I am really working on trying to choose joy and maintaining a positive spirit from the moment I open my eyes. We also give morning cuddles and hugs and always greet each other with a, "Good morning, Luke! Good morning, Wes!" And 99% of the time they are beaming with smiles and happy to be up and at it.


3. Sticking to a specific routine for tasks that need to be done is important. In our home, we wake up, change diapers, get our cuddle on, then run downstairs for breakfast. We try to keep breakfast simple and healthy. My boys love cereal, eggs, toast, breakfast shakes, oatmeal, yogurt, and breakfast bars and snacks. We've recently been trying out the both the chocolate and mixed berry belVita Bites with our yogurt, and Luke and Wes LOVE them. Heck, I love them! (#MorningWin!) It's like eating something fun for breakfast but packed with fiber and nutrients. These help support and sustain our energy for up to a 4-hour period, which are also good for a late morning snack when we are running out the door for play dates or errands. (They are also great for road trips. We took a last minute trip to Utah a couple weeks ago, and the belVita bites were our go-to snacks.) After breakfast, we get ready for the day (which leads me to #4) and then do chores and playtime.



4. We are now in the phase where Luke is dressing himself. I really struggle with being patient enough to let him do it all on his own since it takes approximately three hours to put on a pair of pants, but giving him his independence is teaching him basic life skills in how to take care of his body. This also applies to brushing teeth, combing hair, going potty, etc. It's good to let him feel like he is playing an active part in the morning routine so he can establish good habits.

5. Mornings should be fun! As much as I like to groan and complain (and quote Brad Pitt in Ocean's Eleven), mornings are a great thing. It's a fresh new day with fresh new opportunities. And I am all about making life as enjoyable as possible. It's about savoring the little things. Playing some upbeat music while cracking eggs over the skillet and listening to them sizzle ... watching the morning rays peek through the window to light the house with an orange glow ... turning on the fire and enjoying a cup of warm tea ... sitting around the table as a family and laughing about nothing in particular but thinking everything is hilarious. It's those types of memories that make mornings full of wins.


Disclosure: This post was sponsored by belVita and their partnership with POPSUGAR. While I was compensated by POPSUGAR to write a post about belVita, all opinions are my own.