The Greatest Parenting Advice From 9 Amazing Moms

"When I get those handouts to write down my “parenting advice” at a baby shower, I always want to preface it by saying, please read this at two in the morning, when your sweet but fussy baby still doesn’t sleep through the night, the sound of your spouse’s REM snores make you rage blackout, and you’re trying to Google “voodoo/witchcraft guaranteed to make babies sleep” while simultaneously bouncing the guilty offender as you pace the floor because your baby KNOWS when you try to sit down for a break. Then, and only then, will these words mean anything to you as a parent: “This too shall pass, we’re all just making it up as we go along, and you’re doing a great job.”

That run-on sentence has gotten me through my darkest parenting hours. That and a lot of tears. There is no secret, no magic recipe for successful parenting, but there is survival and joy in this holy and hard job.

This too shall pass. 

A toddler who is a stage five clinger?

This too shall pass.

A toddler who offers to wipe your bum because curiosity trumps privacy every time?

This too shall pass.

A toddler who speaks whine so fluently it’s frightening?

This too shall pass.

It all passes. It doesn’t make it easier, it doesn’t make it go away, it just reminds you that you can do the seemingly impossible until it passes to the next seemingly impossible.

We’re all just making it up as we go along. 

Truthfully, just like the generations of “know-it-all-you’re-over-thinking-it” Grandmas before us, we’re all just making it up as we go along. Mistakes and bad decisions are part of the process. Treat yourself just like you would your child when they make a mistake; forgive. Remember that love is unconditional. And chase it all down with a fruit snack. Fruit snacks forever.

You’re doing a great job.

I have a theory that all mothers want to hear, on repeat, “You’re doing a great job.” Surround yourself with your mama soulmates who will say just that. You know, those ones who will dance stupidly in a Target with you when your kid successfully uses the potty for the first time. Those who will respond to every one of the dozens of pictures you send her of your kids because your mother-bias leads you to believe your kids won the clever and adorable lottery. And finally, those who will give you a resounding, “Amen!” when you text to confess that you just asked your toddler to please stop speaking for an unprecedented two minutes. (Prepare to stand in complete heart-eye emoji awe if your child actually complies and then give yourself a giant pat on the back for being such a brilliant mama.) Surround yourself with those mamas who love you and your children hard, and those who love going to the bathroom alone even harder.

Really, it’s impossible to know what parenting will be like when you’re hopped up on the all those gifts, food you didn’t have to cook, and the estrogen plentiful at a baby shower. There is no way to understand the depth of love and sacrifice you’re going to face. Parenting is magic and messy, and the reminder that “this too shall pass, we’re all just making it up as we go along, and you’re doing a great job,” brings me hope, and fruit snacks, as I move along the path of imperfect parenthood." -Bekka, one of my favorite mama friends who constantly inspires me, mother of two genius and adorable toddlers.

"Be teachable. We don't always know what we are doing as mom, but when we mess up let that be a teaching moment. Dont' get down on yourself. Learn from your children, from your mistakes and let it be something you can add to your skill set. We know that children are forgiving, humble and absolutely loving, and we can be teachable just like them.  And I think it help us get down on a level that will appreciate our children and be grateful. Gratitude is also a skill that will develop if we allow ourselves to be teachable. I have come to appreciate those moments where I can learn and grow right alongside my children." -Shelby, my beautiful and sweet mama friend, mother of a handsome brood of little toddlers and baby boys.

"Someone recently asked me what advice I would give to new parents. It was this; just breathe, don't listen to anybody else but yourself. You are your child's ultimate gift, you know exactly what, when and how they need you. Trust your gut, relax and have fun. Everything will be just fine." -Miko, my Instagram friend who I think is an incredible mom, mother of adorable teenage and elementary-age kids. 

"The best parenting advice I can give is that parents work as a "team" and together they give their children love in the form of structure, instruction, values, faith, and encouragement. When parents together share these objectives there is consistency and continuity. Without it there are feelings of confusion and children flounder." -Dianne, my mother-in-law, mother of the best husband in the world and two other, equally fabulous, adult kids. 

"For me, the best parenting advice is to take care of your marriage. Not every home has a married mother and father. I didn't have that growing up but I know that's what I wanted for my children—a strong, healthy marriage for them to benefit from. I learned that if you take the time to love and respect your spouse, your children will feel safe and literally secure in their little world. The truth is they will see how you respond to your spouse in a quarrel. And they will do the same. They will watch how you treat each other and they will mimic. They will listen how you talk about your spouse when the spouse isn't present and they will observe. They will love how you love. In the end they will ultimately do as we do, not as we say. As we love, honor and respect each other we will teach our children that marriage is valuable and a blessing, and that the family unit is ordained of God." -Lindsay, my sister-in-law, mother of bright elementary-aged kids, a happy toddler and smiley baby.

"When your kids want to talk with you or spend time with you, you take it and cherish it! They grow SO fast!" -Darcie, my sister-in-law, mother of fantastic teenage kids.

"'If I had my child to raise all over again,
I’d build self esteem first, and the house later.
I’d fingerpaint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.
I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I’d do more hugging and less tugging.
I’d see the oak tree in the acorn more often.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I’d model less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love.'

This poem by Diane Loomans puts everything in perspective and is perhaps the best thing I have ever read about being a parent. For that reason it has hung on my fridge for I don't know how many years. It is a total eye-opener, and yes, on occasion it makes me feel guilty. We all experience mom guilt though, right? Being a mom is a work in progress! Some days I do a better job than others. But I love my kids so much that I try to improve each day." -Holly, my middle sister, mother of awesome elementary-aged kids and the cutest, chubbiest baby. 

"I think it is valuable if you can instill in your children to be happy with who they are. Not to be the best, but to do their best! It makes us all feel okay about ourselves—and that's healthy-minded!" -Ginger, my oldest sister, mother of incredibly sweet elementary-aged kids.

"Love your children unconditionally. Don't compare them to one another—it's not a competition." -Marie, my amazing mama, mother to EIGHT crazy, and wonderful adult children.

My Recipe For Happiness

Two days ago I posted this on Instagram...

"These last few weeks have been a huge game changer for me. I have been inspired and uplifted by friends, old and new. I have been humbled on spiritual and emotional levels. I have discovered a part of myself I didn't know existed—you know how they say you only use 10% of your brain? Well, it's like I have only been using 10% of my heart, but something burst open, and I feel like my heart is overflowing with all kinds of love and understanding. I know that sounds incredibly cheesy, but it's true. And I feel so light, so peaceful. Life is hard. You get up, you get down, and that seems to repeat itself over and over. But now instead of dreading the downs, I am trying to take everything in and see the good in it. I honestly believe goodness always prevails. That being said, be more gentle with yourself, smile at the strangers who cross your path, and try to see others the way their mothers see them—an amazing soul in need of unconditional love."

I am almost positive it is my favorite thing I have ever written. It came from such a raw, honest place deep inside. A place where anger, jealousy, and comparison don't exist. And I LOVED being there. It felt so safe and pure.

One of my awesome blog friends, Meag, then commented on the photo and said she wanted two of whatever I am having. It made me laugh, but it also got me thinking about how I arrived at what I can legitimately call a state of tranquility.



I am not constantly in this zen-like state, and I have to work reaaaaallly hard to stay in this frame of mind, but I have finally found my own personal recipe for happiness, and this is what it entails:

1. Inspiring visual reminders. I am that person who has a quote for anything and everything. My Pinterest quote board has honestly been my best friend and champion in some of my darkest hours. (And this Instagram feed.) I clearly have an obsession for the written word, and I find solace and comfort in knowing that other people are going through my same struggles. (Isn't that the point of art, writing and literature anyway?) The reigning favorite of all those is this quote by Sri Chinmoy, "Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest." There really is nothing else. These three things are the key.

2. Good music. And when I say good music, I mean the stuff that makes your heart beat stronger and faster, and releases a million butterflies free to fly through your chest. When inspired words and a moving harmony come together, it is MAGIC. Music is so powerful, and I draw a lot of my inspiration and balance from it. This particular song is one of those for me.

3. Simplicity. This only became apparent to me once I removed myself from my everyday surroundings (which will lead me to the next ingredient.) We stayed at my parents' house in Utah for almost three weeks and they live a simple life. I always start off our trips with apprehension at not having all of my gadgets and appliances. I feel like I am making them sound like Amish pioneers. They are not. But, for example, they don't have a dishwasher because they live in the house my great-grandparents built in 1890, and many things have not been renovated since the 60's. That kind of stuff. Anyway, it always reminds me that we tend to over-complicate things in life, and shedding the excess is the thing that will set us free.

4. Embracing change and seeking adventure. I tend to be a homebody. I can easily curl up in my bed and Netflix binge for three days without batting an eye. But that's not healthy and usually sends me into a whirlwind of self-loathing. Getting out and exploring nature in particular is always an easy and wonderful way to keep me truly centered. We have been going on hikes as a family, exploring new towns and spending a lot of time at the beach with our toes in the sand and listening to the lull of the waves. It is so good for the soul, I tell you!

5. Giving as much of yourself as you can. And by this I mean paying it forward and doing things for others to increase the quality of their lives. If you sense someone is sad or struggling, follow that nagging feeling to help better their situation. That intuition is usually right, even though it often feels like you are being presumptuous. Or, if someone needs a hand or a favor, say yes! Don't limit your world with "no"! Channel your inner Jim Carrey and say, "Yes, man!" But also learn from his mistakes in that there is always a time and place to say no. (That is the essential part.)

6. Spending time with uplifting people. Not only is it important to have social interactions and bonds with people, but it is paramount that those relationships are with good people. People who understand how you think, appreciate your quirks, and just love and embrace you for who you are. I don't have the energy or time to force friendships. This doesn't mean that I think poorly of people with whom I don't hit it off. I aim to never judge and forgive and love, just as Sri Chinmoy said. But that doesn't mean I need to be everybody's best friend. It's just a fact of life. There are some people with whom you gel, and others you don't. (This quote comes to mind.) But those people with whom you do find that connection, and who do elevate and uplift your spirit—those are the types that make life all the more rich. I love hearing their perspectives and sharing in their positive energy. After all, life is about relationships, considering that we can't take the rest of the materialistic crap with us.

7. Getting rid of unnecessary obligation and guilt. For me personally, I tend to especially rack up guilt and obligation with social media. I feel like if I don't post something regularly to this blog I am leaving people hanging. And I don't like that feeling. As much as I don't act like I am a people-pleaser, I suppose I have become one along the way. But, I also have very recently learned how to do away with most of that extra guilt. This is my journey, and I need to stay true to how I feel about living my life. I am done with letting it bury me like it has for 20+ years. This applies to every facet of life, whether it be religious beliefs, relationships, life choices or something as trivial as social media.

8. Love. Do all things with great love. If it is in the true spirit of charity and kindness, nothing is too impossible or incomprehensible. By some miraculous way, the world begins to make sense. But even if it doesn't, everything somehow works itself out and what you are left with is a case of the warm fuzzies.

So there you have my recipe for happiness:

Inspiring words +  music + simplicity + adventure + good people + shedding guilt + no judgment + forgiveness + love = HAPPY!

I hope you can try it out for yourself and see if it works. It definitely isn't easy to mindfully do all of these things every day. Some days are complete and utter failures. But the more it is practiced, the easier it becomes and life gradually gets happier and peaceful.

That being said, I wish all the love and happiness in the world to you all! xo

What I've Learned From Unhealthy Relationships

Relationships. Tricky little buggers aren't they? They are the one thing we generally obsess, lose sleep, and get sick over, in both good and bad ways.

I think about love and relationships a lot. I am the girl who watches downright pitiful romcoms and reads those awful chick lit books, and I actually like it! I don't know, I suppose it's some sort of mindless entertainment and the endorphin rush of a happy ending. (I believe that's also called an addiction.)

As far as living the moments in those stories, I'd say I've had my fair share of experiences with romance and relationships, but probably more specifically what not to do in a relationship.

You see, once upon I time I was the girl who came with a small serving size of crazy. Sure, I am still absolutely nutty, but in a different way — a better way. The type of crazy solely attributed to mothers. You know what I am talking about, but this story isn't about being a mom. This story begins in the foolish, clueless world of 14-year old Abbey.

Fresh out of braces and newly learning of the powers of a solid pair of tweezers and a tube of mascara, I went from a shy, buck-toothed little girl, to a young woman in her teens coming into her own. (As evidenced in comparing my 8th and 9th grade school pictures, which cannot be shown because my yearbooks are nowhere to be found — probably on the account of wildly inappropriate things scribbled on the pages). With a new surge of confidence in my physical appearance, boys become a hot topic of interest. (You know, puberty and all of that rubbish.) I suffered from mild social anxiety — and still do to some degree, but that's another story for another day — and was used to flying under the radar. But, that was all beginning to change.

I started receiving approaches from boys, and we all know how irrational and dumb teenagers are, specifically teenage boys. Looking back on it, the attention was primal and purely hormonal, but I didn't care. I relished in it after years spent on the sidelines.

With the shiny, new attention came boyfriends, which were terribly embarrassing as many first boyfriends are. But above all that there was that one boy, the one whom I just absolutely, positively loved, because that's what a teenage girl's brain tricks itself into doing; it creates a frenzy and proclamation of undying, true love!

I remember the first time I saw him. He was riding around the school gym parking lot with a mop of messy, bleached hair. All the girls adored him. He was a relentless flirt and had a magnetic sense of charm, which was pretty impressive for a 15-year old boy to possess. You know, the type of guy who knows how to flatter endlessly, and it somehow comes across that you are the only girl in the world, although you are, like, the tenth girl he's said those same things to that day. The writing was blatantly on the walls! But, I didn't know any better. I was so fragile and innocent, drinking up the flattery, and he knew it.

The whole process was exhilarating. Butterflies can hardly describe how I felt. It was more like a thousand fireworks exploded in my head and my chest, setting fire to emotions I didn't even know existed. And let me tell you right now that that type of emotion coupled with an unpredictable teenage girl spells out D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R. And oh, did it ever. It blew up all over the place for the next six years of my young and impressionable life.

I firmly believe learning how to build romantic relationships is largely molded from the framework of the first "real" relationship. For many, this starts in adolescence when impulses and overly-emotional behaviors are at the forefront. I mean, this is an incredibly fragile time when the brain is still working on developing, and the experiences that occur in those years are laying the groundwork for the way the brain wires itself to behave and perceive later in life.

And unfortunately for many young girls these days, there is a distorted image of how a female should look and act based on this very principle. There is an intense pressure to utilize misrepresented sexuality as a main component of relationships. I've talked about body image a bit, and it sickens me how the media exploits women and attempts to condition us to accept unrealistic physical appearances and sexual behaviors as the norm.

The kid I was enamored with had a a lax upbringing, a stark opposite to my strict, Mormon household, and his parents didn't really bat an eye at scantily clad pinup girls on the walls and other media. A lot of his friends seemed to have the same types of things in their possession, too. Over time as I entered into my later years in high school and furthered my physical transition into womanhood (which, in retrospect I was still a young girl, but thought and felt like I was 25), I found myself mentally obsessing over how to look like them.

My breasts were far too small. My thighs touched when I stood with my legs together! Gasp! I didn't have a perfectly tanned and flat stomach with hip bones jutting out. And how was I to achieve that voluminous, blonde hair and dramatic, smoky eye makeup?

I thought that if I could look like these digitally edited, unrealistic, adult women, my boyfriend would love me more and have a reason to be proud that I was his girlfriend. Yes, I was convincing myself that I needed to be a trophy in order to be of any value and worth. After all, that's what I thought his idea of a "sexy" female looked like.

You can imagine all of the mental and emotional issues this type of relationship would wreak of; mainly physical, with an unattainable expectation. I made myself into an object.

I had no self-respect and subsequently, no self-esteem. I learned the hard way that people will treat you the way you let them treat you. Which was terrible. I wanted so badly to simply be adored that I practically did anything to keep my boyfriend happy. I would flake out on my friends and family routinely. I dressed, looked and acted the way I thought he liked. I even made up excuses for the couple of times he became physically aggressive with me. Obviously it takes two to tango, and I contributed my fair share of insulting behavior to the relationship, but I basically became his puppet, his play thing. There was no love — only lust, manipulation and distrust on both ends. And honestly, looking at it in retrospect, we were both extremely immature and ignorant to what any of these toxic behaviors were.

But, one day after six years of dealing with this oppressive relationship, I had a life-changing wakeup call. Perhaps it was a small miracle that it happened, but it felt like someone literally slapped me in the face and said, "Stop being so stupid, Abbey! Live your life for you, and above all else, love yourself!" I like to think Iris Simpkins had something to do with it. I found myself some gumption! Nancy Meyers was my unofficial hero, I suppose, now looking back. So, thank you, Nancy! You helped to guide my path to a better life!

Now, we had 20-year-old Abbey, living in the heart of Provo, Utah. A complete one-eighty in every aspect of life. I was learning to do my own thing and live without the approval of what my male counterparts thought of me. This world was a clean canvas and I could reinvent myself into the woman I desperately wanted to be.


A few weeks later, a goofy Mexican kid walked into a game night at which I was hanging out. Apparently he liked what he saw, because he immediately started pursuing me. But, I wasn't interested. Perhaps it was because subconsciously I thought he only liked me for my looks, which is what I was trying to get away from? (I'm getting all armchair psychoanalytic here, bear with me.)

Eventually he stopped acting like a stalker and started acting like a normal human being—ha! Which is when I finally agreed to go on a date.

First of all, I didn't really know what normal date etiquette was. When he went to open my car door for me, I got nervous and didn't really know how to handle it. Guys actually still did that? Then when he took me to a putt-putt course and played silly arcade games with me, I could not believe how happy it made him to see me being goofy and weird. We talked about ideas and family and aspirations. It was incredibly refreshing to be comfortable in my own skin with a guy who actually seemed to like me for my soul and intellect. But then I started to question.

Is he only treating me like this because he expects something in return? Guys are never this nice unless they are trying to get some action.

My perspective on relationships was terribly warped. I knew only about the anatomy and structure of an unhealthy relationship. I mean, how pathetic is it that I couldn't let a guy treat me with respect and show me a harmless night of fun without thinking he had ulterior motives? It makes me tear up looking back on how vulnerable and damaged I was.

We continued to date, and I turned myself inside out resolving my issues. We almost didn't make it, but I learned to love and respect myself, and discovered what trust and true love is.

One year later, I married that goofball by the name of Matt, formerly known as Rod in our dating days.

We definitely stumble over rough patches, but he is my other half. I am happy to say he treats me the way I let him treat me — with the utmost respect. He treats me like a queen, even when I am acting like a witch. He makes me feel like I can conquer the world and elevates my goals and dreams. I trust him and have never once felt any pang of jealousy or inadequacy. We connect on an emotional and intellectual level I never knew possible. I am completely myself with him and I don't ever feel stupid, degraded, or judged for doing so. He would never harm me—there isn't a cruel bone in his body. He tells me daily how lucky he is to have me as his wife. And he thinks I am the most beautiful woman—curves, dimples, blemishes and non-thigh gap aside.

That is what a healthy relationship looks like. I am immeasurably grateful I found someone who was able see my broken, cracked pieces and helped to put them back together, piece by piece, through pure love.

Photos by Jamie Johnston Photography

Teaching My Boys Gratitude

I remember the first time I ever helped put together packages for families in need. I was about 9 or 10 years old and our church was hosting a holiday food and supplies drive. The gym at our church building was brimming with people, canned goods and non-perishable foods, personal care items and boxes. I was plopped into the canned goods and boxed food section of the assembly line. There were hundreds of cans of green beans and piles of stuffing and cake mix, among various other foods.

There are this many families who would be going without a holiday dinner if it weren't for us, I thought to myself, somewhat alarmed and awestruck. Being the youngest of eight, our resources were somewhat limited at times, but I never went without food and the basic necessities to maintain a happy life. I had no clue what it was like to go without, and a part of my little soul ached for these people. It ached for the other 10-year old girls like me who lived with uncertainty every morning as they awoke if they were going to have food to eat that day. I was very young and that experience brought a whole new perspective to my small, sheltered world.

Gratitude is often said to be the key to to happiness in life. Practiced daily, it can transform life from a cold and resentful place to one of light and joy, even in the most dire of circumstances. Matt and I have experienced our own shifts in our outlooks on life when we have cultivated a grateful attitude. And it truly is life-changing.

Our goal as parents is to teach our boys gratitude. Starting now at this phase in their lives. We are diligent in teaching them to say "thank you" and try to help them understand exactly what it means. Luke is starting to understand. We are also mindfully seeking for opportunities to pair that gratitude with service and have a holiday tradition of helping out families in need.

As we went to hand out fliers for a neighborhood food drive a few days ago, I explained to Luke what we were doing. "You know how your tummy feels when you are hungry? Well, some little boys and girls don't have food to eat, so we are going to find food to give to them so their tummies don't hurt."

I could tell he was trying to process what I was saying as he scooted alongside me. After we finished handing out all the fliers, Luke looked up to me and said, "We find food for boys and guhls, so der tummies feel bettah." I was filled with so much warmth at the sweetness and concern in his eyes. I am not sure if he really understood, but that moment was charged with love.

Gratitude, coupled with service, is the ultimate form of love and charity, and that is what I aim to teach our boys. There will be plenty of faltering and failing as a parent, but I know that if I set those basic, yet profound principles for them, few other things will matter. All of their goodness and kindness will stem from that foundation.

Count all your blessings, tell the people in your life you love them, and enjoy your time with your family and friends this weekend. Happy Thanksgiving!
 

10 Ways To Quickly Improve Your Relationship

I think a lot about love, and feelings, and anything pertaining to romantic relationships. I was that little girl who obsessed over the love plots of Disney movies, and I am still that girl who cares way too much about celebrity love triangles and the romantic happenings in the lives of my friends and family. It's all about love, after all. Unfortunately, I can get a little cranky and negative in my own relationship with Matt sometimes. (I know, it even happens to us hopeless romantics.) So, I wanted to share some wonderful tips I found in this article from Time, which gives ten ways you can instantly improve your relationship. I've been trying them out, and hey! They work! Especially for us boring, old married couples ;)

1. Turn off your gadgets! Studies have found that there is a negative correlation between heavy use of social media and happiness in a relationship. Also, text messaging can convolute conversations that should be done in person. I personally think excessive social media use can cause unnecessary envy and comparison, which can lead to all sorts of personal problems, and can easily carry over into relationships. I've been trying to spend less time on my phone and extinguish the incessant need to update my whereabouts and give the play-by-play of every detail in my life. My initial fear was that I would be missing out on documenting my life and in turn forget all of the wonderful, ordinary things that make my life so happy. But, it turns out I am enjoying my life more thoroughly instead of living with anxiety in fear of missing out on capturing everything, and my memories are more meaningful. Matt appreciates it, too.

2. Go to bed at the same time. People who sleep less than the recommended amount of time each night have been shown to argue more with their significant other. Plus, it is oftentimes the one point in the day where you get to see each other one on one. I suppose I should take this advice to heart. I am a night owl — always have been, no matter how hard I try to go to bed early! Although, I could not agree more that good sleep is the solution to many of life's problems. We're all just grouchy because we need sleep! You know the "Be nice, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" quote? We need to change it to, "Be nice, for everyone you meet needs more sleep."

3. Do frequent, small acts of kindness for your significant other. It's the little things that make your partner feel loved and appreciated. A marriage researcher from University of Michigan studied 373 over the course of 28 years and found that these frequent, small acts of kindness resulted in overall relationship quality and happiness. So, go write your love a small note, or make them some breakfast. It will make both of you happy.

4. Talk about something funny from the past. Laughter truly is the best thing for any relationship, and it has been found that reminiscing together about funny things is even better than focusing on just positive memories. Laughter can help you relive those moments and give higher relationship satisfaction.

5. Exercise! I am pretty sure this is on any list that talks about improving any facet of life. And we all know why! Working up a good sweat increases those endorphins, and leads to a rush of adrenaline and arousal. So channel that arousal into a good time with your love! Which leads me to the next point...

6. Have sex in a different place. It's good to switch it up every once and awhile, and new experiences elevate your levels of dopamine, which is a positive reinforcer. Don't worry, there is no need to go wild and do it in a public bathroom or coat closet at a holiday party (although if that is your thing, more power to you!) — simply finding a new room can do the trick.

7. Try new things together. Learn to cook an exotic dish. Play a silly game together. Go explore a new place in the area you live. The activity can be big or small, but the point is that couples who frequently experience new things together are shown to have higher-quality relationships.

8. Give each other hugs. Touching is extremely important in letting your partner know they are loved and it allows you to feel more comfortable with one another. It also has a calming effect, and increases intimacy.

9. Talk about new ideas. We all get caught up in the humdrum of everyday life; work, kids, family, friends, etc. Sometimes we forget to have captivating discussions or don't have the time, so find a moment to strike up an interesting conversation. Ask engaging questions and try to learn something new about your partner. We change over time, so it is essential to have good chats and reintroduce your current likes and thoughts.

10. Say thank you. If you are anything like me, I expect my husband to read my mind. And that includes him sensing my gratitude for him! But, that is silly! It is incredibly important to express our appreciation for our loved one. It makes them feel important and of worth, and lifting each other up is one of the most valuable characteristics of any solid relationship.

Wes Is One!

I should really be sleeping right now, but the image of Wes curled up to nurse one last time as a real, honest-to-goodness infant keeps replaying in my mind. Truly, seriously, I am baffled at how quickly the time passed by this last year. Those contractions I thought were merely lackluster cramps happened only a couple months ago. There is still a squishy, curled up three-month-old in the next room sleeping.

But, no. Time has seeped in and out of days and turned into months, and now we are standing here at the one year mark.

I keep popping in to get one last look at him, feeling as if I am missing out on something. And I am not really sure what or why I am feeling so sentimental and weepy about it. I don't recall feeling this way about Luke turning one. I suppose that with each child, we realize how brief the "baby" phase actually is and set our hearts in deeper to savor its innocence. (And that sweet, sweet new baby breath!) Or perhaps with each child, our capacity to love expands; it grows thick, knotted roots, which plant themselves firmly into our relationships with each child, making it more strenuous when those roots are shifted and tugged at. Which is exactly what happens as children grow older. There is a subconscious awareness that with each birthday celebrated means a year closer to not needing and relying on mom as much as they once were. Although, there are new ways in which we are needed, and I can't say just exactly what those things are since that stage is out of sight. (For now.) But what I do know is that being Wesley's mom has changed me.

My hair is patchy in the front, my hips will never pull back into the size they were before, and there are a few more lines and crinkles around my eyes; but my heart is permanently altered.

(Great, here come the tears. The screen is starting to get fuzzy and I can't be sure on what I am typing. But, I will push through the blubbering!)

Wes... he is just special. I don't feel like much a wordsmith in selecting that adjective to describe him, but that is what strongly comes to mind whenever I think of him.

He is gentle and sweet in a way that stretches beyond his infancy. I remember sensing that same feeling the first time he cuddled up on my chest in the hospital. It was electrifying and serene all in the same moment. And I suppose that would be a wonderful way to describe his personality as it emerges each day. The child has a fire about him. But he is also incredibly gentle and calming. He is that baby who will sit on your lap for hours and is content to just hang out and smile and laugh.

Just yesterday at the store he sat peacefully in the cart and waved to every person who walked by us. Most of them were women, which followed with a, "Oh my word! What a doll!" and a, "Look! He is waving at me! Such a sweetie pie!" (His wave is a mixture between a Miss America contestant and spirit fingers. And yes, it does happen to be one of the most adorable things on the planet.)

Wes also loves to carefully explore his surroundings. Some of this is just a developmental age thing, but I am getting a feel for who he is more and more as I watch him awaken to the world around him.

I love how his face lights up when we sing a song, like it was written especially for him. He becomes hopelessly doe-eyed and his smile beams from ear to ear. (That four-toothed smile I so dearly love.)

And gosh, does he adore his daddy and his brother. The sun rises and sets on the two of them. Whenever Wes gets to see Luke after waking up, he starts squealing and giggling a deep, infectious belly laugh. The kind that captivates you and makes you feel like your eyes are twinkling. Whenever Matt walks through the door, it's a crawling dash straight toward him, all while he is excitedly saying, "Da-da! Da-da!"

Then there is our bond. Wes is a complete mama's boy, and I love it. He's been affixed to me for the last 21 months in one shape or another. I am his safe place, his happy place, and I don't ever want to lose that.

Wes, we love you so much, there are simply no words. So, we will let our hugs and kisses and smiles tell the rest of that story.

Happy 1st birthday, Chubby Dubby!
 

Family Photos

Here are my favorite family pictures we had taken a few weeks back for my FIL's 60th birthday bonanza. I am embarrassed to admit this, but this is the first time our family has been professionally photographed! It was so nice to not worry about the camera setting or the angles and just do our thing.

Now, getting all the babies to smile at the same time is another story. Luke had approximately 5,638 tantrums and was stuffed full of Tic-Tacs by the end. (Bribery, people. I whole heartedly believe in it, and am ignoring possible long-term, negative consequences which may pop up in the future as a result of it.) Jamie really is a miracle worker in getting those few precious shots where Luke and Wes were smiling!

Can we talk about the last picture? LOOK AT LUKE'S FACE! He was squeezing onto Papa's leg so tight and had the cheesiest grin on his mug. I think it's hilarious, and it will be one of those fun ones to look back on when he is an adult and be like, "Luke, look how ridiculous and adorable you were when you were little!" I am sure his future girlfriend (he is only allowed to have one, after I approve, of course) will love it and be all, "Awwwww, baby Luke!"

And the first one of Luke and Wes? Slays me! (Insert heart eyes emoji.) I'm blowing that sucker up and plastering it on all of our walls. Luke and Wes wallpaper maybe? Sounds like an excellent decor choice to me.

I love my family! So grateful to be blessed with such darling boys, a stellar husband and wonderful in-laws!

Photos by Jamie Lyn Johnston Photography. You can check out her site here!

Dear Wes

Dear Wes,

Today you are 10 months on the dot! (What the heck, kid? Quit that growing stuff already!) You still have rolls on your forearms and your ankles that would suggest we put elastic bands around them, meaning you are still very much deserving of the nickname, Chubby Dubby. That can only be attributed to the fact that you eat more than your brother and dad — combined! I think macaroni is your favorite food based on all the yelling that is involved for more even after you've scarfed down a pan.

Every morning you like to snuggle in bed with me, your dad, and brother to sing a lovely rendition of "Patty Cake." The way you flick your hands to and fro trying to roll the dough is the best part. Whenever we are all laughing at a joke, you make sure to add in your hearty, fake laugh that just makes everyone laugh even harder.

You have only your two front teeth. I like to think you are celebrating Christmas early, and I think the gap between your teeth when you give us a gummy smile (which is pretty much most of the time) is the cutest thing around... especially paired with the aforementioned laugh.

I love to watch you sleep. It reminds me of the day you were born and that you are still my teeny tiny baby. The way you suckle while dreaming sweet dreams makes me want to kiss those perfectly puckered lips. And just last night, I walked in to take a peek at you and you had your head perfectly placed on a square plush toy just like a pillow. It's those little things.

Pulling yourself up on everything is currently your jam. (And finding the dog food, no matter how stealthily it has been removed.) For some crazy reason, you've decided the bathtub is the best place to pull yourself to a kneeling/standing position, which also illustrates that you have an adventurous spirit about you.

You love to nurse. I am convinced you will want to breastfeed until you are five if I let you, and since that won't be happening, it's delightful to cherish those moments, just you and me. Your eyes are as piercing as crystals when you look up at me with those long lashes brushing along your eyelids. Most of the time you like to sit your foot on my chest and kick it back and forth so it makes a "pat, pat, pat" sound on my skin. And you will occasionally rub your eyes with your foot as well. Yes, you are wacky and silly and that is precisely what I love about you.

Even from just a few weeks old, I knew you had a strong sense of conviction and determination. It's the Scorpio in you, and I immensely look forward to the person you will grow to be. I can't wait for the deep conversations we will share, to see your zest for life in the spark of your eyes, and to watch your life all unfold as you accomplish your dreams. I know you have big things in store, Wes. It's written in your stars.

I love you so much, my darling boy. Never, ever forget that.

Love,
Mama

Why We Have An Awesome Marriage

"Happy Birt-day, Daddy!" Luke chirped all day long on Matt's birthday back in June. (This post has been sitting in the drafts for two months now because I am fabulously talented at procrastinating — I should write a "how to" post on it!) We were celebrating the big two-nine for Matt, which is a big deal when you think about it, as it's the final page in the twenties chapter of life. The day was mellow in birthday standards with a simple lunch and a cookies and cream pie masquerading as a cake, since the store was all out of ice cream cakes and our baking supplies were all packed away for our impending move.

As I watched Matt hug onto Wes as he blew out his candles, and stick his finger in the pie-posing-as-cake for a taste of the icing with Luke, my heart tripled in size and was overcome with an incredible amount of love and admiration for him. How could it be that on this sixth birthday we celebrated of his together as a couple, I found myself more head over heels than I did on the first? I mean, marriage is challenging and aggravating, and surely the law of diminishing returns applies to it, right?

Wrong.

I am definitely one of those people who bores easily, and when I was younger I was afraid I would never be able to get or stay married because of my ever-changing interests. My relationships never lasted more than a few months at best, or they were casual and noncommittal in nature, so nothing serious ever evolved. I loved the idea of love, and was a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic. Frequent nights full of tears and gallons of empty ice cream containers were spent watching The Notebook, An Affair To Remember, and The Holiday, because someday that would be me. It had to be! I was true love's biggest fan, but why couldn't I figure out how to be the leading lady in my own love story? Iris Simpkins was TOTALLY me (except I had Cameron Diaz's haircut), to the point where I would pathetically bawl along with her and had her opening monologue memorized. (And this is funny now looking back on it, but the guy kissing at the beginning has always reminded me of Matt. Conscious coupling for the win!) What was the missing link in all of my miserably failed relationships?

Answer: self-respect and a nice guy.

I think the saying, "nice guys always finish last" applies to clueless, immature people in search of unrealistic, passion-only romances. It's like that awful Eminem and Rihanna song (you know the one) is the anthem for their terrible relationships, and having an insane amount of drama is the catalyst for the ultimate expression of the emotion they think is love. But guess what? Those stories mostly end the same, with the result being a burnt down house and loneliness. And there is most likely a huge hole where a heart once was, and when they are standing there in the middle of the huge pile of crap they've created, with nobody by their side, THAT is when they realize nice guys actually are the stuff real life fairy tales are made of. At least that's where I found myself, and it took me more than once for it to click. Don't worry, nobody actually burned my house down, although I felt like my heart was burnt to a crisp every dang time because I am dramatic and a liiiitttle neurotic. Or maybe a lot, but whatever. I found someone to love my crazy.

Yep, staring across at me in ghetto fabulous Air Force Ones and track pants six and a half years ago was Rod, the guy I could not stand, and who I absolutely NEVER thought would be my husband. In his never-give-up attitude, he pursued, courted and married me. Or, since my maiden name is Fish, (hold the jokes, I have heard them all, folks) I suppose hook, line, and sinker would be more appropriate.

Honestly, I love our marriage. It's not perfect, because that certainly does not exist, but it is awesome for who we are as two individuals trying to navigate how to do this whole life business. With two other humans! That we MADE! Increíble! Anyway, here are the things I attribute to keeping Rodriguez, Inc. awesome, happy and fulfilled:

1. We don't sweat the small stuff, and we laugh. A LOT. This simple act of ending an argument with the dumbest jokes in an effort to cut the tension works 99% of the time. Really though, how can you be mad at someone who is making a complete fool of themselves with tape wrapped around their face and doing terrible celebrity impersonations?

2. There is always an open line of communication. We talk about anything and everything. Even the scary things you don't want to talk about with anyone. Somehow or another, that uncomfortable stuff, which is most likely the junk that needs to be discussed, always surfaces and the open conversation clears the air and draws us closer.

3. We trust one another. Honestly, truly trust each other. We don't get jealous or possessive over anything. I can't even begin to tell you how lovely it is to be able to trust someone to that level. Every other relationship I was in before Matt was hell on wheels because there wasn't that trust. It's not worth the energy constantly worrying about what shady things may wait around the corner and sniffing around for drama. Instead, putting that same energy into focusing on the good and building one another up is what keeps things happy.

4. We give each other space. Matt and I are introverts through and through, so we need alone time to recharge. I feel like we are both very aware of this, and try to be conscientious of each other when one of us simply needs to hole up somewhere and just chill the freak out.

5. We also try to spend quality one-on-one time. I will admit, we have a sucky track record for getting out on dates sans kids, but we make an effort to enjoy one another's company after the boys are down for bed every night. One of the things I love most about Matt is his intellect and sense of humor. I have the problem of assuming that everyone around me knows the answers to my ridiculous life questions, and always find myself asking things that come out of nowhere, like, beyond left field. Actually, it's more like the empty parking lot that takes 20 minutes to walk to from left field (hence, A Random Thing Or Two-sday posts). We can and do talk about the most random topics for hours, and Matt happens to make a fantastically exceptional human encyclopedia.

6. We wholeheartedly support one another's dreams and goals. There are enough naysayers in the world and there is certainly more than enough opposition, so we give our all to be the best cheerleaders for each other. Matt is my biggest rallying supporter and I am without a doubt his number one fan. No dream is too lofty and every goal is taken very seriously. I absolutely believe anything is possible when there is a solid support system to back it up, and Matt and I work our best to do just that.

7. You know that sex stuff? The more your do it, the more you like it, and the better it gets. I know, I know, it can feel like one more chore to check off the daily list, and sounds less than appealing when you've been taking care of babies all day and are covered in spit and funky smells, but it is worth it. Always. I know we need all the natural stress relievers we can get, and this one is free and fun ;) Also, the intimacy it creates is essential to keep a relationship thriving.

8. We actively try to serve one another. Matt wins the husband of the year award for doing the dishes when they are piling out of the sink (which is every day, who am I kidding?) AND making dinner. Yes, ladies, I did land on a gold mine with this one! Thank you, thank you! This wasn't always the case, but you can buy my book, How to Make Your Husband Do Stuff For You, for $19.99 and I will even throw in a box of chocolates at no charge when you call and order now! Seriously, I think a little conditioning never hurt anyone. If Pavlov could do it with dogs, it can definitely be done with men. I feel like this is turning into an evil plot to take over the world (AKA my husband), but let me remind you of one last key point in relation to that...

9. We have a sense of humor. Oh yeah, and laugh. A LOT.