10 Things I Never Thought I'd Say Until I Had Boys

Being a mom of boys is a particularly entertaining calling in life. And many times I've caught myself saying the most outrageous things. Things where I say back to myself, Did I really just say that out loud?

(Remains of the plants in reference to #3 below)

I feel like a good description of being a mother to small boys is like raising a pack of cavemen. Truly. They bang on things raucously with their hands. They grunt and throw their heads back when they scream. They bump each other over the heads with sticks and plastic dinosaurs. And you should see the floor after dinner! It's like blending an entire dinner with the lid off—it's everywhere.



Since being a mother to boys has to have some sort of anthropological distinction to it, I've decided to compile my very own list of observations of things I never thought I would say until I had boys.

1. "Don't pee on your brother!"

2. "You can't just go up to people and ask if they have a penis."

3. "Please don't bulldoze the plants with your toys."

4. "We don't put our feet on the table... or in our food."

5. "Baths are not optional or negotiable."

6. "We don't fart in public and laugh."

7. "Your brother is not a toy—dragging him around by one foot will hurt him. What was that? Umm, yeah, especially up the stairs."

8. "Please don't pull out all of the wheels in the dishwasher."

9. "Stop sitting on your brother's head!"

10. "I want all boys!" (It's true. I love these ridiculous little fellas. I would happily take five more! Okay, maybe three.)